Redemption of the Broken Vessel
by ArtemisPrime
Summary: Kaylee and Inara have returned to Serenity. Jayne is working on his recovery while determining his new role on the ship. Continuation of the first two series The Way and Judas and Mercy.
1. Chapter 1

Redemption of the Broken Vessel - by ArtemisPrime

Chapter One

Disclaimer: all things Firefly/Serenity are the property of Whedon et al. I'm not making a bit of coin on this. Just playing with his toys.

Rating: R for violence and language

A/N 1: I mistakenly said that Jayne's tattoo was on his right shoulder in an earlier chapter. I was thinking left, wrote right. Brain hiccup.

A/N 2: I strongly recommend reading "The Way" and "Judas and Mercy". They are background and will make your understanding of this series that much clearer.

Jayne sat with a smile on his face as Mattie looked in wonder at the fresh tattoo gracing his big brother's left shoulder. "Must have hurt something awful." He continued to stare.

"Nah," Jayne answered, admiring it himself. "Takes more'n a little bit a ink t'take down a Cobb." He grinned. "You want, I can get one for ya." He poked his brother. "Course, you'll be needin' some meat on them bones t'show it off good an' proper."

Mattie flicked away Jayne's finger. "Hey, can't help it if I'm the lean type. You got all the muscle genes, remember?"

The older man huffed with a sly smile and flexed his arm. "I sure did." He rose from the small table, adjusted his sleeve down and grabbed a glass from the pantry. He looked out the window to the blowing sheets in the dirty wind. He narrowed his eyes briefly, still not able to understand why his Ma bothered. Farm was dirt and was always gonna be dirt. He flipped the sink tap and filled the glass with the sulfur smelling water and grimaced as it went down. Only on Harvest would well water be warm.

"How long are you gonna stay, Jayne?"

He faced his brother as he leaned against the counter. "Can't say, rightly." He didn't want to admit that times were a little difficult with the war going on. Decent mercenaries weren't fetching a high wage given the lack of coin across the Rim. Finding good opportunities were more than a little hard to come by. "Man a my skills don't come cheap no more."

Now Mattie huffed, causing him to cough lightly. Jayne filled his glass once more and brought it to his brother. After finishing, Mattie said a small thanks. "So how much do mercs run these days? Five, six percent?"

Jayne looked strangely at Mattie, taking the glass. "How do ya figure I'm one a them mercenaries the general store's always got wanted posters up on?"

The young man rose. "You may have gotten Dad's brawn, but I got Ma's brain. Doesn't take a genius."

"Yeah, well, genius boy, yer gonna get yerself in heaps a trouble you don't start talkin' like ya belong here."

"Who says I do? Besides, there's nothing wrong with proper English nor Chinese. Shows smarts."

"You sayin' I'm dumb?" Jayne stood toe to toe with Mattie, but the younger brother held his own, not flinching. Jayne had to smile inside on that. Boy may have been weak, but he weren't afraid. Grown up tall, too.

"Of course I am. Only a dummy would wait seventeen years before visiting. And don't tell me that you weren't in the sector at any time. The 'verse ain't that big!" Grinning, he grabbed the glass still in Jayne's hand and re-filled it for himself.

Jayne watched his brother take another drink and cough again. It worried the man somethin' strong that his baby brother was sick. Always had been on the weakly side his whole life, if the letters from his mother were any indication. She never come out and said it, not at first, but he figured it out. Too many trips to doctors, too many pills to be takin'. The occasional capture showed a boy gettin' thinner over time rather than bigger. Just weren't right.

And now the idiot boy was working in the mining factory that pulled precious little ore from the ground outside of town. Jayne'd heard stories about those conditions and he worried on it. Tore up a strong body to pieces leavin' bits of shell behind. Even if it weren't in the furnace, Mattie would still be exposed to rough work. Plenty a men got sick from those places and it seemed that baby brother caught more than his share of illness.

"Gotta go, Jayne." Mattie reached for the silver food pack near the sink. "The Boss'll be mad if I'm late." He grinned at Jayne then headed out the back door. Jayne watched him call and wave good-bye to their mother then set out towards town then to the factory.

He didn't understand why exactly, but Jayne knew that Mattie working in that place was his fault.

"Jayne?" his mother called. "Jayne, come help me with this laundry." Stomping outside, he helped Louise Emma Jayne fold the sheets. Once done, she hefted the straw basket into her son's chest then made for the house. Something made her stop, as though she heard something she wasn't sure was there. Scanning the horizon, she tried to find the cause, shrugged when nothing was spotted then resumed her walk. If her big lug son hadn't noticed anything then there wasn't anything out there.

Despite his best efforts to hide his occupation from his mother, Emma was not a stupid woman. She learned early on that Jayne had taken up work that was less than ideal and even further less on the right side of the law. Not that it was unexpected. He'd never done well with school learning and his size made him a target for all kinds of folks. The credits he forwarded were richer than she would have expected for a man like him. Still, she needed the money. Rather, Mattie did.

"Reckon we'll be needing some wood for a fire tonight," she said casually to Jayne as she entered the home. "I'd rather cook outside tonight. Too hot to be in." She wiped her brow of the fine perspiration and looked to Jayne when she heard the snigger. "Something you have to say?"

He dropped the laundry on the table. "Yer pickin' up Mattie's habit."

"What habit would that be?" Emma lifted the basket and went into the small living room en route to her bedroom.

"Talkin' like yer from the Core, all fancy and proper." Jayne followed. "Folks'll think ya gone snooty."

"That true, Emma? Ya done gone uppity on me?" the deep voice called from the screen door.

Both mother and son whirled at the sound, the laundry dropping onto the floor. She heard herself swallow and say his name, but didn't know it was her making the sound. "Ren."

"Hello, love."

Emma's eyes narrowed dangerously. "You got no call t'say that t'me." Any proper dialect pretenses were gone.

"Now that ain't a proper greetin'." He opened the screen door and stepped in, filling the frame with his bulk. His smile was yellow and crooked. Scars lined his face amongst the leathery skin. His hair was stark white and slicked back. Underneath the too big shirt was a body used to hard labour and harder times. "Boy, you done growed up." His smile widened. "Chip offa me."

Jayne knew how he wanted to respond to this new situation. He knew this man, knew him from sound and smell more than anythin'. Knew that this hwoon dun had caused more pain to his ma than any person ought t'have suffer through. Knew that this piece of go se had to leave. Now.

Gritting his teeth and lowering his head slightly, he let his body tense, ready for a fight. Before he could move, Ren laughed.

"Watcha thinkin' there, boy? Reckon ya can take on yer old man in a fight, huh?" He huffed. "Ya are dumber than I recall." He took a step in. "Or maybe ya don't rightly remember yer dear old dad. Been some time an' if ya turned out like I s'pected, that brain a yers ain't doin' ya none favours."

"Ren, leave this house." Emma's voice was dark. Jayne understood her threat, but Ren seemed oblivious. He laughed again.

"What? That the kind a reaction a man's t'get after comin' home from a hard day? Shame on you, woman." He threw his coat onto the nearby chair. "Come t'make up fer lost time." He scanned the room. "Didn't think on changin' much, did ya?" He looked to Emma. "Where's the runt?"

The impact of Jayne slamming into his father and then both into the wall shattered a window pane.

**  
Later...**

River couldn't help but smile and lazily watch the black night sky. She felt the anticipation of the ship, as though Serenity knew that Kaylee and Inara were returning. But maybe it was River herself that hummed. The young woman had been lonelier than she had expected without her friend and was looking forward to more games and fun with the mechanic.

Shutting then opening her eyes, River breathed in. Simon missed the mechanic, too. She felt it every time he walked into the galley or past the engine room. He missed her presence and missed her affection. She grit her teeth at his stupidity. _Dumb brother_, she thought. _Wrong priorities. Better pieces fitting now, though_.

The beep of the wave screen drew River's attention back to the now. Seeing who it was from, she flipped the switch and was welcomed with Inara's porcelain face.

"Hello, River," the Companion said with a warm smile.

"Flock is returning," River answered.

Inara paused before answering, not letting her features change at being referred to as a mindless creature only following the will of everyone elese. "We should be ready to dock with Serenity in less than ten minutes. Will you be ready?"

"Bodies are always in a state of readiness. Just need the right stimulus." She grabbed the com to her right and said into it "Captain Mal, incoming wave." She holstered the microphone and resumed her conversation with Inara. "All better now?"

"Yes." The woman looked beside her, cuing Kaylee to come into view.

"Hi, River! Still keeping Serenity shiny?"

"Of course. Don't want to fall out of the sky. Although we did have a small problem with the capacitor and small explosion, but otherwise, no commotion to report."

The look of horror on Kaylee face caused the pilot to convulse into a fit of laughter. "Simon's not the only one."

"Oh. Ha ha, River. Very funny gettin' me all worried about my girl." She chastised her friend, but then smiled her own self. "Least you got a sense a humour. Bet the Cap'n loves ya for it."

"Doesn't love me," River said with seriousness, her eyes focussing on the now half image of Inara. A focus the Companion did not miss. "Ship is ready for docking."

Inara blinked at the sudden change in conversation by River, but quickly realised that she shouldn't have been that surprised. The girl's thought processes ran crooked at the best of times. "Then we'll see you very soon, mei mei."

River grinned then flicked the switch. "Sorry, Captain Mal, you just missed it." She swivelled to face Mal. "But don't do it three times or there won't be another." River sprang from the chair and skipped out the bridge, letting her anticipation mix with the ship's.

Almost family again. Almost home.

Jayne hated waiting. Hated it almost as much as just sitting. Course, they both tended to happen at the same time. It just made for boredom and a bored Jayne became a cranky Jayne became an angry Jayne became a violent Jayne. He huffed with a smirk. Being violent weren't so bad, leastways he wasn't just sittin'.

"Relax, Jayne," Zoe's calm voice broke through his growing agitation. "You don't want the doctors rushing through this." She didn't even look up from the bulletin she was reading. In the last four months, she'd barely even seen one let alone had time to read it fully. Little had changed. The Alliance was still getting occasional pesterings by the media about some mysterious wave claiming to have evidence on the truth of Reavers. The Alliance adamantly denied such a wave, calling it nothing more than teenagers with little to do other than create fictional stories about ghosts and bogeymen.

_Wasn't a ghost that took Wash_, she thought bitterly, _or caused River to lose herself into some sorta violent fury_. She tossed the bulletin back onto the table she'd found it at and stretched her legs some.

They'd been at the hospital the better part of six hours, five and a half of them waiting. The scan of Jayne's brain had taken very little time, no more than about ten minutes with the other twenty filling in forms and showing papers. How Mal had come to have documents for a Thomas and Candice Cartwell was beyond her understanding, but she didn't question it. Candi Cartwell? Zoe rolled her eyes at that one, finding the name to be so beyond her own character that it wasn't worth the wretch.

Jayne turned left to face Zoe, aka wife Candi. "Yeah, well, we'll see how tight you can sit waitin' fer news on yer-" He stopped, staring blankly with a narrowed eye at a spot a few feet in front of him. They were getting worse, he knew it. Something in his brain was breakin' down and it weren't goin' away. He grunted then leaned back in the chair, his hands limp on his lap. "What if they tell me I'm goin' kwong-juh duh? And there ain't nothin' t'be done?" His voice was low, with only a little of the remaining gravelly-ness. He flexed his right hand, feeling the burn in the muscle. Whole gorram body was shot t'hell.

This wasn't how he imagined goin' out. He sorta romanticised 'bout bein' taken down by some hwoon dun husband of some woman he was sexin. Best way t'go, he figured, was in th'throes a passion and in th'arms a somethin' pretty.

He flexed his hand again. This just weren't right fer him. Not right t'all.

"You're not going crazy, Jayne," Zoe reassured. "We already have one of those on ship so the position is filled."

"What else is open then, huh? Mal said I got a place on board, but ain't surmised yet what that might be."

Zoe had nothing to say. Jayne's own thoughts were hers as well, something that caused a little shudder in her spine. The last year had seen a whirlwind of adventure where Jayne had proven himself at least marginally loyal to the crew, though she had wondered why he'd had a new bruise on his head after returning from Ariel. She had been positive that he'd returned with only one.

Still, Mal had said that the merc had a job on Serenity and she wasn't about to let Jayne think otherwise. Too much splitting of the crew was causing the first mate heartache she didn't think she could tolerate more of.

"Mr. Cartwell. Mrs. Cartwell," a professional sounding voice called.

Both husband and wife perked their eyes up at hearing the doctor call them. "Doctor," Zoe began, "you finally have something to tell us?" She looked to her husband and rested a light hand just above the brace holding Jayne's broken left wrist together.

"Yes," the doctor answered with a quick grin. "Please, come with me." He ushered then down the hall and around a corner into his office.

"I have the results of Mr. Cartwell's head scan." He motioned for them to sit as he reached for his folder. Zoe opted to stand, but Jayne knew he couldn't. His shoulder was pained with the crutch and his knee only ever seemed to feel remotely less agonising when raised up and straight. He drew an empty chair over, grimacing at the reach and pull, and hoisted his leg up. He huffed at the work and once again hated himself for becoming so weak.

The brought out a thin piece of clear plastic, tapped the top corner of it and watched the plastic turn into a small screen with three images. Tapping the first brought up an overhead view of Jayne's brain in a rainbow of colour codings. "This is a broad spectrum scan of your brain, Mr. Cartwell. You can see here and here," he pointed to two close areas, "that the colours are bright red."

Jayne squinted with his good eye. "That don't look good."

"It's not," the doctor agreed. "I'd rather they be green, blue even." He tapped the second corner which brought in a close up of the red area. "As you can see, the entire region has been subjected to what I can only say is rudimentary electroshock treatment." He shook his head with disgust. "That therapy went out of fashion on Earth-That-Was. How any reputable doctor would even consider such treatment, well, it's just barbaric."

Jayne eyed Zoe, both knowing that no reputable doctor had done the shock.

The doctor then tapped a third quadrant. "This here is a different type of scan, looking at the actual brain. A capture of it, if you will." The doctor continued. "This is good news, actually. Though this shows broken blood vessels, the actual amount was rather minor, all things considered. That explains the red from before."

"And his memory loss?" Zoe asked.

The doctor nodded. "Amongst other things." He looked to Jayne. "There are times when you can't remember what you were talking about, correct?"

The big man nodded.

"And you just sort of stop, trying to remember something and being unable to?"

He nodded again.

"That's because of the shock and damage to the brain as a result."

"So where's the good news, Doc?" Jayne fidgeted in his seat, his knee giving him a strong ache.

"Here." He drew his finger around the third scan. "Your body is slowly repairing the damage. Though given your age, the process will take longer than someone say, twenty years old." He put down the scan. "Whomever took care of you did a remarkable job and was able to administer the correct drugs to reduce the amount of damage. You are a very lucky man, Mr. Cartwell."

"Yeah, lucky." He hated owin' folk and especially folk he weren't keen on. Simon Tam wasn't high on his keen list.

The doctor looked to the scan once more before shutting it down. He pulled a leg over the corner of his desk moving into more of a sitting position. "Now, the question I'm sure you're both asking how much permanence there is."

Jayne clenched his fist even harder. "Were thinkin' on it some."

**  
Before...**

Mal pulled the roll of money out and tossed it onto the table. Two-hundred credits. His nostrils flared. It wasn't enough. Wouldn't even be close to what it cost to get Jayne fixed proper. Simon was good, great even, at doctoring, but the merc needed more than Serenity could offer. He stared at the money.

"Mal?" Zoe ventured quietly.

"Huh?" He didn't look away.

"It'll work out." She pulled her own savings out. Another seventy-five. "It will be enough to get what he needs."

_Maybe_, he thought,_maybe that'll be enough_. Gorram it! It had to be!

Without saying another word, he stomped from the kitchen to the cargo hold and eyed the weight bench. A kick to the bench only resulted in a sore toe and a few choice curses. He fell heavily onto the bench and bent his head into his hands. This was his fault. He had made the crew send the message, had made them even bigger targets, and now his crew was suffering for it.

"Not suffering," River said quietly, standing in front of Mal. "You did the right thing."

Mal laughed. "That's right, li'l one. No good deed goes unpunished." He smoothed his hands on his pant legs and looked into River's eyes. She did not smile.

"To not have told the 'verse would be suffering. Inside. In your soul." She drew a small finger and pushed it into his chest. "Worse than reavers. They only eat the from the outside in."

He pulled her finger away then gently wrapped his hand around hers. "Thanks for trying, River, but this soul is too shrivelled for your kindness." Pushing her back, he stood.

"No, it's not. Just hidden. Somewhere is you. Like me. Somewhere." She turned her head in such a way that Mal believed her, if only for a moment.

**  
Later...**

She hadn't meant to keep it. Really. It was just that after seeing Jayne lying there all helpless and un-Jayne-like, Kaylee hadn't the heart to wake him up and show him the picture River had done. So she had taken it with her, back to her bunk, to the Training House and now back to Serenity.

She looked at it again after pulling it from her duffle while unpacking her things. The corners were bent and it had been folded and unfolded a dozen times, but the image was still striking. River had remembered completely the dragon and sun symbol from Jayne's tattoo. Placing it on the small desk in her room, she told herself to give it to him just as soon as she could.

Thinking back, she had wondered why Jayne hadn't come to greet her and Inara, figuring that he might have been healed enough to go for a least the short walk to the hold. Shrugging, she had immediately gone to her bunk to quickly unpack then head to the engine room. She had missed her girl something awful and was itchin' to get back inside her.

First though, she wanted to visit Jayne and see how good he was doing.

"Cap'n?" Kaylee called into the bridge. She climbed the stairs and called him again. "Where's Jayne? Went to his temporary bunk, but he weren't there." She stood next to him sitting in the pilot's chair.

Mal raised an eyebrow. Her interest in Jayne was a mite disturbing given her lust for the Doc not so long ago. _No, no, _he thought, _do not go down that visual path. _He squished his eyes shut. Too late. "Gettin' fixed up."

Kaylee's eyebrows shot straight up. "Fixed up? On Newhall?"

"Yep."

Her jaw dropped and she blinked. A smile formed on her lips. "Oh, Cap'n. I just knew you was the shiniest!" She wrapped her arms around Mal's neck and kissed his cheek. "You do care about him."

"Hey, hey now." He unhooked her arms and moved forward in the seat. "Let's not be spreadin' rumours." He pretended to check some scanners and relay readings.

Kaylee smirked, still bubbling. "Ain't no shame in it, Cap'n. Makes ya human." She swivelled on her boot heels and nearly skipped down the stairs with an air of contentedness she hadn't felt in a long time.

Mal took a sidelong look at her, smirking himself. Felt good to see his mechanic re-gaining her chipperness. Made the boat feel almost whole again.

"Almost," the small voice repeated from stairs down into the lower bridge.

"Wah!" The Captain jumped back in his seat and moved for his revolver until he saw River poke her head up from between the pilot and co-pilot consoles. "Wuh de ma, tee wuh duh pee goo! River Tam, how many times I gotta tell ya 'bout sneakin'." He sat back, catching his breath.

River only giggled and came up the steps. "Kato."

Mal's confused expression forced a deep sigh from River, the kind he immediately recognised as showing her frustration in people not understanding her. Like when speaking to babies or Firefly captains. "I'm Kato. You're the Pink Panther. From Earth-That-Was." She waited for the recognition that wasn't coming. "To keep you on your toes." She waited again. "You really need to get out more." She flitted out the back leaving Mal with a still racing heart and hurting, confused head.

"Mal?"

He jumped again, but not as high. What in hell was this, Grand Central? "What?" His voice was harsher than he would have liked, especially since his terseness was directed at one person he would rather be making amends with than arguments.

"Is this a bad time?" Inara inquired.

"No." He stood and straightened his shirt and suspenders. "Why d'you say that?"

Her brown eyes looked to his. "About our arrangement."

Mal sat back down.

"Mal, don't do this. Don't turn your back to me."

He licked his now dry lips. "Ain't gonna do it again, Inara. I won't." He busied himself with some scan readings. He felt a light hand on his shoulder and stopped.

"I'm not asking you to." Her soft voice hung in the air amongst the sounds of Serenity. She gazed out the viewport to the world below, now bathed in night time. The bright lights of the docks were beacons in the darkened land, giving direction to travellers. Comfort in the shadows.

"You staying then? For good?" He continued to play with the dials, not really paying much attention to them.

"Yes," her voice whispered.

He paused for a fraction before resuming his playing. "What about yer girls? Teachin' and such."

"Sometimes teachers need to learn some lessons themselves." He heard her breath in. "They don't need me anymore."

A broad smile spread across Mal's features. "Expect Kaylee knows yer decision."

"Yes."

"Well, that oughta keep her happy." He turned in the chair and looked up to Inara, resting a bent arm on the console. "You gonna be happy out here among all this heathenism?"

Inara chuckled at the religious reference thinking on her conversation with Book a lifetime ago in her shuttle when he had first arrived. "About as happy as you, I suppose."

Standing, he allowed himself to take her in. Her scent was sweet and intoxicating. Her heat was radiating. Her cheeks were rosy. He swallowed, finding his resolve once more. "I meant what I said, Inara. I won't do this again. You decide to leave, you won't be coming back." His soft voice was firm.

Smiling, she grasped his hand and softly stroked his fingers, her jewellery catching the light. Her own little beacons. Lifting her eyes, she let him understand without saying a word.

**  
Before...**

Bill had finished his sweeping and was about to turn the sign to "Closed" on his general store door window when a well-dressed though ugly man strode in, flanked by three large men. "Was just about to close up, gentlemen. If you'd like t'come back tomorrow, be more'n pleased t'help you."

The ugly one smiled and Bill wanted to scrape his skin down to the bone. "We won't take much of your time, sir." He glanced around the shop, not seeing any customers. Pulling out a plastic sheet, he showed it to the shopkeeper. "Could you tell me if you've seen this man?"

Bill looked to the ugly man then to the three others, feeling their intimidation wash over him. He swallowed then stared at the plastic. "Sure, I know him. Come in here just th'other day with his ma." Official looking notices scrolled across with words like "dangerous" and "murderer" highlighted. He looked up. "He in some kinda trouble?"

The ugly man smiled. "A little bit."

Bill huffed. "No surprise there. That one always struck me as the criminal type. Left his ma and brother high and dry t'fend for themselves near on twenty years ago. Never did trust him even when he was here way back when." He shook his head. "Comes back few months ago lookin' t'make everythin' all better, like we can't figure out that he's done some bad things. I mean, just look at him. Folk don't look that way if they's all sweet and innocent."

"Yes, that's very interesting," ugly man interrupted. "Could you tell us where he lives?"

"Ain't far. Few miles outside a town."

"Where specifically?" Ugly man pulled a roll of credits out and handed Bill a 100 note.

Bill's eyes widened. "Take the main road til the junction a mile down, head left til you see the first farm house on the right."

Ugly man considered this. "That seems a long way off." Flip. Another 100 note. "Does he frequent any drinking establishments?"

"You mean bars? Sure. Most men do." He pointed across the street to the semi-permanent tent. "That's the place. Just opened a couple of months ago. Ain't the best-"

"Thank-you, sir, you've been most helpful." He looked to his cohorts and motioned for them to leave. Stepping outside, he stared at the tent pub across from the store, said some low words to his men, then followed the walking path to the left.

Bill was still rooted, broom in one hand, two 100 notes in the other and wondering how his day could end so lucky. He sniggered. Easiest money he ever made.

He paused in thought. Maybe he ought to warn Emma, give her a heads up that someone's come lookin' for her boy. He frowned. Hell. She never did take a fancy to him. Not like she was any better than the rest, no matter how much that weak son of hers tried to convince her otherwise. He scoffed. No, if she couldn't see how life would be better with a prosperous store owner then let her deal with life on her own, no matter what comes.

Flipping the closed sign, Bill removed his apron, tossed it onto the counter then locked his shop up tight. Tonight, he was going to celebrate his windfall.

To be continued...

A/N 3: please let me know what you think of this: what works, what doesn't. The whole shbang!


	2. Chapter 2

Redemption of the Broken Vessel - by ArtemisPrime

Disclaimer: all things Firefly/Serenity are the property of Whedon et al. I'm not making a bit of coin on this. Just playing with his toys.

I strongly recommend reading "The Way" and "Judas and Mercy" as they are prequels for this series.

Rating: R for violence and language. The first bit is graphic and not for the faint of heart.

Chapter two

The feel of the man's neck pushing into Jayne's forearm was rewarding. With only a bit more pressure, the blood flow would completely stop and eventually, the neck would break. This go tsao de hwoon dun deserved no less.

He steeled his eyes and looked into the ones directly across from him, looking so much like his own. This sumbitch couldn'ta been his pa. No way his ma would stoop so low.

"Jayne!" a mute voice called. "Jayne, let him go!"

He leaned in further, his father's strained breath hot against his face. "I'm gonna end you."

The fucker smiled, infuriating Jayne even further. He leaned more weight onto his arm.

With the focus at the neck, Jayne did not see the hard, straight fingered punch into his kidney. Releasing the hold, the son bent over enough for his father to knee him in the face. Jayne flew back, nearly crushing his mother under him as he landed hard onto the wood floor.

"Always were too stupid," the raspy voice criticised. "How'd ya manage t'live this long?" He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand then eyed Emma who knelt down next to her son. A creepy smile formed on his lips. "Been a long time, love." He took a step. "Still lookin' fine after birthin' two pups." He drew his tongue across his teeth.

"Don't," she growled in warning, her body rising.

"Don't what?" Another step. "Ain't no law says a man can't sex up his wife."

"We ain't married no more, Ren." She stepped back, hitting the wall behind. She eyed Jayne, groggy on the floor. She was on her own.

"Yer my woman. I'll do what I please with ya." With a quick grab, he held her wrists tightly. Her struggles only made him laugh. He jerked her arms above her head and held them fast to the wall. He leaned in to her lips then jerked his head to her ear and licked it.

"Ta ma de!" she yelled. "Get away!" She squirmed to free herself, but he only strengthened his hold. He rather enjoyed her pitiful attempts to escape. Made him even hornier.

"That's it, baby," he whispered into her ear. "Keep tryin' t'get out. Yeah, that's the way." He bit her lobe and felt her try to jerk away.

"You ain't gonna have me!" she screamed through clenched teeth.

Suddenly, her arms were released. Seeing Ren pulled away, she immediately understood that Jayne was now back at his father, tackling the man to the floor. Ren rolled backwards and was on his feet instantly. His agility surprised Jayne, but he kept up his attack. Aiming for another run, he was backhanded across the right cheek. His father's ring cut deep into the skin and Jayne felt the blood begin to trickle. He shook his head. He wasn't seeing too clearly after the knee to the head, but he wasn't going to stop. His ma deserved everything from him and she was going to get it.

Jayne lunged at the man's knees, throwing him off balance. Ren smacked his head on the floor and Jayne was on top of him immediately. He used the momentary shock to throw his own punch. Teeth were heard cracking on that. Ren jerked his hips unbalancing Jayne again who was pitched forward. Flipping over then standing, Ren waited again. "Come on boy. That yer best?" He spit blood and a tooth. "Had worse from eighty year old nuns."

The mercenary was about to do another fool charge when the cocking of a revolver stopped him cold.

"I said don't," Emma's voice called from behind the loaded gun. "And I meant it." Her hands were steady, her aim true.

"Now, Emma," Ren began, his arms open wide in deference. "Why'd ya gotta ruin the fun? The boy and me was just gettin' inta it." He moved forward.

The gun echoed loudly in the small house.

**Later...**

Zoe stared at the kitchen wall, absently circling her finger around the lip of the empty mug before her. It wasn't like her to be so still. She liked moving, doing. The beginnings of a smile formed as she thought on how Wash liked moving, too. She liked how they moved together.

Now she was moving alone and she didn't much care for it. She huffed. During the war, the last thing anyone expected was for Zoe Alleyne to find love and settle into it. She most of all. But there he'd been, all crazy shirt loud and hideously moustached. It had given her a creepy chill down her spine to even be in the same room with him, yet somehow, he had worn her down.

Maybe it was the dinosaurs that got Zoe thinking differently about the pilot. She huffed again. Yep, they certainly got her thinking that this man was a little simple in the head to be playing with toys.

Maybe it was the first time they had a tight run in with the Alliance and Wash'd shown just how un-simple in the head he was. Hadn't taken him more than ten minutes to lose them through the bit of expert flying he'd done. Though her stomach had recoiled at the tossing and sharp twisting through the dusty canyon, he'd managed to get Serenity through seemingly impossibly small holes to come victorious on the other side.

Maybe it was when he shaved the damned lip rat.

Sighing deeply, she rose, cleaned her mug then headed to the hold. She felt the need to be alone some and Newhall afforded her that. Though the planet wasn't overly Core, it wasn't entirely Rim either. It sported enough niceties that Zoe decided to partake in one.

Walking down the ramp, she quickly passed through the docks and made her way to the edge of Te Junction. She remembered seeing a tourist brochure at the hospital on what to do while on Newhall and thought that the park east of the town would be a nice diversion.

She wasn't disappointed when she found the green space. The tallest trees she'd ever seen rose high into the dusk sky with leaves as wide as her hand from pinky finger to thumb. A little creek emptied into a small pond and the rustle of water over rocks brought back memories the woman hadn't thought on in years.

Zoe Alleyne hadn't been the most popular of girls back home. No one was surprised that she went into the military as most figured she was the type. She didn't let anyone think otherwise. Thus, she wasn't popular with the boys or young men. Too intimidating when they could have the easy town girls or milk-fed country ones who'd give the boys no lick of trouble. Zoe screamed hard ass and do not touch on pain of death.

Still, she'd managed to find one or two young men, mostly visitors, who would find her warrior woman status appealing. Without penetrating her armour, she let them come into her life and enjoyed herself for the moment. It was at a park not unlike this one at Te Junction that Zoe had first been sexed. She'd been seventeen and she didn't care how old he'd been. To say that she'd been disappointed with the event was like saying the war on Hera was just a rock fight.

Standing at the pond, seeing the orange sun reflecting off the little waves, Zoe put her hands on her hips and listened. After a few moments, she unbuttoned her vest then pulled her shirt off. Continuing to listen, she removed her boots and pants then strode purposely and straight-backed into the pond. Ai ya if it wasn't cold! She didn't much care. Taking a deep breath, she pushed herself into the water, allowing it to flow all around her. Coming up for air, she turned onto her back and looked at the orange sky.

For the first time in her life, she was doing something bold and unexpected and un-Zoe like. She smiled. Wash would have been so proud.

"So, I gather yer tellin' me that yer stayin'?" Mal looked from his hand now held by Inara to her soft eyes. The light glow of the ship's bridge gave her a look of ease. "That is what yer sayin'. 'Cause if yer not then I'm a bit on the side of confused."

Inara gave her Companion smile, lips together and wide. She remained silent.

Mal scratched his head, feeling his own nervousness surfacing quick. She picked a hell of a time to go all non-arguin' on him. Perplexed him.

Before he said more, Inara spoke. "There's something you need to understand, Mal." She gazed back at his hand, rough and gentle. How many guns had he held in these hands that had killed people? So barbaric. So protective.

"Still waitin' t'understand, Inara."

She faced him directly. "I'm a Companion."

Mal's eyebrows went up. "Kinda got that with the wh - renting of the shuttle and such."

She smiled a little more genuinely. "It's who I am."

"Still with ya."

"It defines me in the same way that your coat defines you."

He narrowed his eyes and stepped back, taking his hand with him. "Just a coat."

Her earrings jingled quietly as she shook her head. "It's who you are. Defiant. Independent. Moral."

"War's over. Been through this." He couldn't back away further without bumping into the console or falling down the stairs. What in stars was she gettin' at anyway? Already knew these things and it weren't like her t'state th'obvious.

"Yes, the war is over, but it helped make you into the man you are today. My training has done the same."

He straightened. "I ain't interested in yer wiles, Ambassador. Speak plain."

The Companion straightened herself. "I can't give up my job to be with you."

Mal's expression showcased his confusion. "When did I ask ya to?"

Inara's face fell. "You don't share very well."

He thought on this, his brain mulling over her unsaid words. He stepped closer. "Sharing."

"Yes."

"So there'll be sharing."

Did she have to say this again? "Mal..."

"With me?"

She moved to make a sarcastic reply, but stopped herself. She did have some pride and wasn't about to let this man steal it completely from her. She was going far enough and if he wanted more, he was going to have to go the final distance.

He did.

**Before...**

Simon stared at the scan, looking for any inconsistencies between his own diagnosis and that of the hospital doctor. He found none. He turned to Mal. "He isn't wrong, Captain. Jayne has been affected by electrocution. But we knew that." He shook his head. "Of course we did."

Mal stood off to the side watching the Doc examine the medical file Zoe and Jayne had returned with. The mercenary was in his new bunk letting the painkillers dull him, while Zoe had opted for solitude. The Captain had been grateful to his first mate for stepping in to help and promised himself that he would give her a solid thank-you for it. Now, though, he needed to know what further actions needed taking.

"Just tell me somethin' new, Doc."

"Well," Simon resumed his analysis of the scan and accompanying report, "he recommended a combination of drug therapies and mental exercises." He stifled a snort, but Mal heard the choke.

"Ain't much interested in yer personal opinion, Simon, just yer medical one."

Simon continued. "It will be slow and most likely frustrating, but Jayne should make a substantial recovery."

"How do you define substantial?"

Simon shrugged. "Maybe seventy percent recovery. He won't necessarily gain back all his memories of the incident, which may be a good thing, but the lapses in language should right themselves."

Mal crossed his arms over his chest. "That doc make any notion on his eye or leg?"

The younger man scanned the report then shook his head. "Nothing specific. Only that Jayne had injuries to those parts of his body. And the others that we already know about." He looked back to Mal. "The doctor is good. This is the course of action I would have taken."

"We got the drugs on Serenity?"

Simon rose and went to his locked cabinet. "Most of them, though we're likely to run out before his therapy finishes." He faced Mal. "This might take years, Captain."

His lip twitched. "Don't got years. I need my mercenary functional yesterday. We're headin' for Greenleaf in three days on a job that's less than easy." He eyed the doctor. "He gonna be functional?"

Simon ran a hand through his hair. "He's been through a lot. To expect him to jump back into work after only a couple of weeks is pushing it. He's still on the crutch and likely will be for some time. His internal injuries are doing very well, but he's still not been able to eat properly."

Mal nodded. He'd noticed how much smaller Jayne had become and it worried him. He saw in himself the changes to his form after using the weight bench for barely a week and secretly enjoyed it. With Jayne, though, that enjoyment was tenfold greater. The pride that man had in his physique was tremendous. He could well imagine how having his body turn on him was making the big man feel. "Do what ya can." He strode from the infirmary. "A man needs to feel useful in life."

Simon couldn't help but agree.

Shifting his weight on the bunk, Jayne grunted loudly. He'd spent the day sittin' and his body was stiff from it. The Doc had given him a painkiller for his knee, but it seemed t'be takin' its sweet-ass time kickin' in. Gorram thing ached like a bitch.

Punching the pillow, he leaned back into it and shut his eye. He thought on the doctor's words, not fully understandin' them, but getting the gist of it nearhow. "Recovery" he'd said. Near full recovery. His brain'd be almost back to its usual act-before-think speed in some amount a time. Gave the man little comfort.

Truth was, he was more afraid of becomin' the jokes they made about him. He knew they thought he was slow and dumb and sometimes he was. Hell, everyone was on some occasion or other. But he tracked better'n near on the whole 'verse and no one could hold a candle to his shootin' abilities. When it came to huntin', he was the best. No different than Kaylee bein' the best mechanic. No one made fun a her for not havin' school smarts. She just knew engines and parts. He just knew guns and trackin and weren't no one complained t'him about that.

But with a bum brain, maybe their ideas on him were gonna come true. Gorram it to hell, he didn't want t'be dumb!

Least his insides were healin' up. True, they burned some when pushed a bit, but he reckoned that was good. May be soon enough he can start doin' some bench work. He absently reached for his left knee, the throbbing starting to lessen. Doc figured he might have a limp. That alone didn't bother him none, but if it meant needin' a crutch or cane t'the end of his days, well, he didn't cotton t'that much at all. Too weak lookin'.

His eye, though, that was another cause of distress. More time he had t'think, more he thought on how not good it was going t'be t'not have full depth of vision. Needed it t'throw a decent punch or else he'd look th'fool fer bein' too far. And with th'number a tussles he was in, needed t'see the hit comin' from both sides, not just th'left.

'Sides, Mal'd never let him drive th'mule with only the one eye.

He reached across to scratch his left shoulder and wondered why it was bandaged. Openin' his eye, he stared long and hard at it, not able to remember what had been done. Part of him was grateful to the good Lord for not lettin' him recollect th'events a that week. No one said nothin' on it yet, but he knew it'd come some time. Had to, didn't it? Folk were gonna ask and if that special doc was right, he'd remember somethin', no matter how much he didn't want to.

He was about to pull back the medical tape when knocking at the door brought his attention away from his injuries. "What?"

The door slid a little. "Ya decent?"

He cocked a side grin. "Never been decent my whole life. Ain't lookin' t'start now."

The door slid all the way to reveal the smiling face of the mechanic. "Someone sure sounds cheery." She stepped into the room and Jayne thought he caught a bounce in her step. "Lookin' pretty good there, Jayne."

He shrugged, knowing she was lying. Sorta wished he'd been able to pull a comb through his hair or take a shower. He paused. That smell had been him!

"How ya doin'?" Kaylee asked, pulling over the small chair.

He shrugged again. "Why don't ya ask yer doc boyfriend? Top three and all." He narrowed his eyes at the expression that passed over Kaylee. Somethin' was off, but hell if he knew what.

"Don't got to be all mean on me, Jayne."

Didn't think he had been mean. He decided to change the conversation. "Look like ya been somewhere nice. All bouncy and happy." That brought the smile back to her face.

"I thought the Cap'n told ya?"

"Not entirely. Somethin' about bein' with Inara."

Kaylee proceeded to recount her training session with the Companion. She deftly avoided the subject of sex, focussing entirely on her new found confidence in self-defence.

"Now there'll be no livin' with ya," he joked. "Head's gonna be pumped up full." She swatted his forearm, but her smile remained. "How come ya didn't ask Zoe or Crazy?"

"She has a name, Jayne."

"Fine, but yer still not answerin' th'question."

Kaylee leaned against the back of the chair. "I guess it just woulda felt funny, ya know? I'd always be wonderin' if there was takin' it easy on me 'cause they know me. But at Inara's, they didn't and treated me just like one of their students."

She caught the raised eyebrow. "Not that kind, ya dummy. But it turned out pretty good, I think."

"Ya feel better about yerself?"

She nodded.

"Guess I'm outta a job fer sure then."

The mechanic faced him, serious face on. "Don't ever say that, Jayne, not ever. This crew can't handle another one goin'."

"Sure, li'l Kaylee. Just funnin' ya."

"Well, it ain't funny."

The pair sat silently for a few minutes. "Guess I should check on Serenity. Cap'n says we're heading to Greenleaf. Got a job lined up." She grinned and stood. "You comin' to dinner?"

Jayne rubbed his belly, feeling its softness and the stitches underneath his shirt. "Who's cookin'?"

"Zoe, I think, but she ain't back yet, so it might be someone else." Her eyes looked hopeful, wanting almost, for Jayne to say that he would be at the meal. Having another body would certainly take away some of the tension away between her and Simon.

Jayne had wanted to say yes, to see her face light up in the way he knew it would, but he didn't. The stairs going down from the cargo hold to the guest quarters had proven tiresome and he knew going up the damn things would be worse. And there were more of them.

"Sorry. Don't reckon tonight'd be good."

Her smile dipped then returned, but he caught her disappointment. "Okay. Just thought ya might like havin' some more company than li'l Kaylee." She shrugged then left the room.

Gorram it! How was it a bit thing like her was makin' a big man like him feel all guilty 'bout not eating dinner at the table?

**Later...**

The shelves of books didn't contain the 'verse's best collection of classical or modern writings. Sure, there was _The Art of War_ and a worn edition of _Divine Comedy_, but the library lacked real substance. Mostly, there were dime store books about swashbuckling space pirates and heroes coming to the rescue of a desperate town. Simon huffed. His own life was little more than the pocket novel he now had open on his lap.

He flipped some of the pages then gave up and leaned his head back against the couch, eyes staring at the cold ceiling. His life really was a soap opera from Earth-That-Was. Genius sister kidnapped by a corrupt government, forced to undergo traumatic training, covert rescue and escape on a piece of go se ship that threatened to kill them all at any moment. Add in a motley of rimworld crewmembers and the picture was complete. He chuckled in spite of himself.

"Hey, wanna share the joke?"

Simon righted his head and stuttered at seeing Kaylee bright and shiny in front of him. Yes, she did look shiny. Being at the Training House had brought her glow back and he couldn't help but smile. "Oh, just...it was...you look good."

Kaylee grinned then took a seat in the chair nearest Simon. "Thanks. You, too."

Simon looked away, feeling himself warm at the comment. But he knew she was right. Since Jayne's removal from the infirmary, he'd been able to sleep better and his stress had gone down. Though his sleep was broken by dreams of Kaylee, he wouldn't admit that to her. "Thanks."

"Simon," the mechanic began softly, "I know I hurt ya plenty and I know that this ain't easy, but I do appreciate ya tryin' and fixin' up Jayne."

He slid his hands across his knees. "I am a doctor, Kaylee. It's sort of my job to help the sick."

"That ain't what I meant." Her voice had a touch of reprimand in it. She quickly changed that. "I want you to be happy, is all. I think River is, here, on Serenity." She laughed lightly. "Sometimes I seen her just stop, turn her head and listen. Like she's hearin' part of a conversation."

"That's what you do," Simon said. "She and you both listen to the ship. It's a wonderful gift."

"Nah, that ain't what I do. I hear when Serenity's got something wrong. River, she just likes talkin' to the ship."

Simon smiled. "She's a little strange that way." He looked to Kaylee. "I can't say that I'm thrilled about us splitting up, but I think I'm glad we're friends, Kaylee. You've helped so much in making this life...bearable for me." He saw her features change. "I mean...it's just so different from Osiris. It's...I..."

"I know what ya mean, Simon. I do. Can't imagine what it musta been like for ya those first few months, givin' up everythin'." She smiled once more. "Maybe when we get to Greenleaf, you can give yerself a bit of a vacation. You know, just go out and have some fun your own self."

"Oh, I don't know. The Alliance probably still has-"

"Simon, if ya spend yer whole life worryin' on what if's and maybe's, you'll never life it. Just come out, for an afternoon, maybe mornin'. It'll sure make ya-"

Both Simon and Kaylee turned their heads to the sound of the low scream. Simon immediately jumped and headed for River's room. Finding it empty, he turned to Kaylee, now behind him. The look of worry was intense. "That was-"

"River. I heard." Kaylee stepped back as Simon went back towards the infirmary to get to the cargo hold, thinking she might have hurt herself in there. Before he went two steps, whimpering came clear as day from the bunk across the hall. Pushing back the door, Simon saw her cowering in the corner of Shepherd Book's old room, her hands crushing the sides of her head.

"River?" Simon knelt down, gently reaching to pull her hands away. "What's happened?"

"He saw. He saw and he remembered." She began shaking her head. "Too fast. They're all around. Spinning. Falling." She shut her eyes tight.

Simon looked up to Kaylee. He'd seen this with River before. They both had.

Miranda.

"Mei-mei, what's going on?" At the touch of his hands, his sister thrust herself into his chest.

"Jayne. Remembers." Her voice was barely heard. She turned her neck to look at Kaylee, eyes begging her to do something to shut the images from her head.

The mechanic quickly left the brother and sister and went to Jayne's room. Pulling open the door, she stared open mouthed at the scene before her.

**Before...**

The ugly man did a slow pace in front of Jayne, his voice calm and a smile on his face. "I want you to know, Mr. Cobb, that this isn't personal. Truly, it isn't. Though I know that seems difficult to believe in your situation." He grinned to show his ugly teeth. "Impossible is probably closer to the truth." He looked to his left instructing the man there to pull up on the rope he held.

Jayne's arms were yanked nearly out of their sockets as they were pulled far above his head. He would have cursed, but he needed to save all the moisture he could. His captor hadn't let him drink since he'd arrived two days ago. Whatever drugs they were knocking into him weren't adding to his language skills, either.

And the light was more than burning.

The merc's body jerked as a whip lashed against his back, cutting the already broken skin.

"It's not about you, Mr. Cobb." The ugly man knelt in front of Jayne and pulled a handkerchief to wipe Jayne's brow. "You see, your captain has information that I've asked him for. Quite nicely, in fact." He examined the handkerchief then folded into his pocket. His face was now inches from Jayne's. "But Captain Reynolds refuses to tell me. That is something I cannot abide. So, here we are." He rose and motioned for the chain to lower Jayne's arm just enough to allow feeling to return.

Ugly Man resumed his pacing. "And please don't beat yourself up about being caught. In truth, whichever member of Serenity I captured really made no difference." He paused and pursed his lips. "Though I would have liked to get a little alone time with his first mate. Plenty of energy in that she-lion." He waited a beat before continuing his pacing. "You just happened to be the one easiest for me to find. Away from your crew on a desolate planet with only an old woman for company." He saw the slight shake from his victim, his working hand, clenching and unclenching. Yes, it seemed that the hired gun had a soft spot for his dear old mother. That had been useful information.

Grabbing a glass from the nearby table, Ugly Man took a slow drink, letting Jayne watch him. He saw his captor's eyes widen at the liquid.

"So, here we are." He set the glass down. "Your captain, really, is the one who's done this to you. If you're to be angry at anyone, it's him. If he'd only given me what I asked, you wouldn't be in this position." The rope was pulled taut again and another lash broke more skin.

"You are the lesson, Mr. Cobb," ugly man whispered into Jayne's ear. He stepped back, drew a knife from a familiar looking worn, leather sheath and with a quickness that even the henchmen were startled at, took a vicious slice at Jayne's face across his right eye.

To be continued...

A/N: please let me know what you think about this chapter, likes, dislikes and such. It helps very much in the writing process.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: all things Firefly/Serenity are the property of Whedon et al. I'm not making any money off this, just playing with the toys.

Rating: PG-13 to R

A/N 1: the ending is fairly intense and those faint of heart, take heed.

A/N 2: italics are either thoughts or flashbacks

The jailhouse was small, to say the least. The founding fathers never figured that anyone would ever want to do harm in a place called Bountiful as they would be full up and not wanting for a thing. They didn't see a point in building a jail in the first place, until they found their first pickpocket and thought that maybe just the image of a jail would be enough deterrent.

It wasn't.

When the town grew dusty and dry, folk resorted to more mischievous behaviour and thieving was tops on the list. They didn't want to, necessarily, but when the times were getting leaner, food had to come from somewhere. No one wanted their babies to starve.

Jayne counted himself lucky to have left the world when he did. He wasn't about to let his ma or brother go into crime just to live. He'd take that job himself. Didn't figure himself to be good for much else. He grinned. Well, there were one or two other things he was pretty good at.

Ducking his head to enter the small building, Jayne followed his ma in after the sheriff let them through. The wooden building smelled dank and mouldy and he was fair sure that the other smell assaulting his brain wasn't a new type of cleaner. "Ai ya! Who up and died in here?" He made a face.

Emma Cobb made no remark, but stood near the lone cell, eyeing the man in there with steeled resolve. He'd tried something with her she swore no man would ever do again. And God willing, he'd get his punishment.

"Well, woman, come t'finish the job?" his hoarse voice called from the cot inside the cell.

She spit at him then faced the sheriff. "What's to happen to him, Roy?"

Sheriff Roy roughly scratched his head. "Well, seems ol' Ren here's got himself a arrest warrant." He pulled through a small stack of plastic pages and grabbed the one he needed. He leaned onto the desk, facing the Cobbs and looked the sheet over. "Stealin' gov'ment prop'ty. Causin' grievous injury t'Alliance men. Rapin' a few women." He looked to Emma. "Says there's a re-ward. Five hundred." He showed her the bulletin.

Glancing at it, she eyed the sheriff. "He's going to an Alliance jail?"

Roy nodded, making a sucking sound with his teeth. "Most like." He stood and strolled the two steps to the cell. "Seems ya been a ornery bad boy, Terrence Cobb. Time t'pay."

Ren stood shakily from the cot, his shoulder paining him from Emma's shot, and went to the bars. "Cobb's ain't easy t'take down, eh, boy?" He sneered towards Jayne. "'Sides, ya wouldn't turn in yer own pa fer a bit a coin, would ya?" His eyes narrowed.

"You sumbitch," Jayne cursed. He now stood face to face with his father, his head still hurtin', but not backin' down. "I'd turn ya in fer free, you liou coe shway duh biao-tze huh hoe-tze duh bun ur-tze."

Ren grinned. "Yep, yer my blood." He stepped back as Jayne tried punching through the bars.

"C'mere! C'mere you-"

"Jayne." Emma's voice was strong and quiet. "He's not worth it."

He whipped his head around. "You jokin'? Ya don't recollect what he done tried on ya?" He moved to his mother, eyes down at her. "He don't got th'right. May as well take what's comin' an' score ourselves some coin in th'meantime."

"No, Jayne. He's your pa. Not right to profit from that."

"Hell it ain't! He ain't done nothin' good fer us 'cept leavin' this go se town."

"If'n I might," Roy stepped in. "Ya may want t'reconsider what yer thinkin' there on, son. I know he ain't spic an' span, but ya do some fool thing in ret'ibution, I'll have no course but t'arrest ya. Sure don't think yer ma'd like that. Eh, Emma?"

"No." She forced Jayne to look at her. _Don't do nothin' stupid, boy,_ she said. She heard Jayne's hard breathing through his nose and the look of finally understanding what she was saying. Stomping past, he barrelled through the door and slammed it shut.

Ren laughed from his cell and Emma faced him. "'Vengeance is mine, sayeth the Lord.'," she began. "Trouble is, you don't know when the good Lord'll be coming to collect. If you're lucky, it'll be before you get freed from jail and Jayne gets a chance at you. Because I won't be there to stop him, even if I wanted to." With a nod to Roy, Emma left the jailhouse, feeling a little stronger.

A few minutes later, Roy heard a tapping at the only window. Glancing up, he saw Jayne directing him to the back entrance. Once outside, Jayne asked "That reward say anthin' about bein' alive or dead?"

Later...

Most folks figured that Kaylee'd most miss the sun. Bein' so much in the black, she'd need some kinda light to keep her all happy and cheery-like. Personality like hers, it wasn't a stretch of thought.

But it weren't the sun Kaylee missed most after weeks in space. It was the rain.

Her home moon was filled with sun almost 24 hours out of a 33 hour daily rotation. The place got more sun than most planets or moons. It had the effect of making the place a prairie. Grasses grew readily and heartily and it suited ranching, but it wasn't a lush place. Even the small mountains were tough and scrubby.

Still, it had been Kaylee's home for her entire life and she loved it. She loved feeling the sun shine on her skin or bathing the landscape in a purplish-orange glow twice a day. She'd watch her ma and pa come out onto the porch after dinner, hand in hand, and walk out into that sunset, smilin' and murmurin' to each other. The kids would laugh and Kaylee would sigh. It filled her heart and made her happy. Her folks were joint real good and she could only hope to find somethin' even close.

But when it rained, she could play. Rain came infrequently to the moon and was cause for celebration to the whole place. People would run out into the streets or into fields and let the rain pelt them until they were soaked through. Children would make mud balls, swim in puddles and pretend to be live fountains spewing water from their lips. Farmers welcomed the rain on crops and be grateful that the moon wasn't made of clay. With proper irrigation, enough could be stored and spread out nearly the rest of the season.

Sun may have been the Giver of Life, but rain was the Joy.

She smiled as she thought on rainy memories. Seemed whenever the rain came, so did the boys. With all the people runnin' about bein' glad as punch, no one noticed her and the boy under the tree or 'neath an awning. Folk just ran on by with beamin' faces, ignorin' the lovebirds on the bench. Got so's her sisters'd start sayin' that it was rainin' boys.

Seemed only natural that the rain would bring her first sex. Ritchie was a slim boy with a square jaw that made sixteen year old Kaylee's heart twitch. She was bringin' him some lemonade and wearin' her best dress when the sky let loose. They ran inta the loft of the barn, heavin' and smilin' then kissin' and handlin' as the rain pounded the rickety roof. Good thing her folks had been in town that time; she didn't want to go explainin' to her pa on how all that straw got tangled up in her hair.

She chuckled while standing in the hot shower. A poor substitute, she knew. Nothing man made could ever be as good as the real thing.

Punching the shower release button, she pulled the door open and reached for a towel, letting the cooler but humid air prickle her skin. Quickly running the towel over her, she stepped out proper and wrapped her body with the cloth. Looking at her reflection after wiping the small mirror, she noticed the fine changes in her appearance since boarding Serenity.

Reaching to her neck, she traced the marks left behind from Mr. Universe's. Simon hadn't ever said nothin', but she reckoned he didn't much care for 'em. Too many bad memories in that boy's head. She couldn't blame him, really, as he kept avoiding that part of her neck. She didn't much care for 'em either.

Nor for the round scar at her belly.

She found a small giggle when thinkin' on her tummy.

Where some folk might have called her a milk-fed farm girl, her family called her properly fed. Didn't do nobody good to starve themselves in a place where physical work was the norm rather than exception. No one in her family was weak and they all pulled their share of the load. And they all joined in the reward of that work. Besides, the boys complained none about her and that brought another smile.

Slight creases formed at the corners of her eyes with that grin. When had those appeared? She weren't that old, was she? She counted off the months. Yep, time and the sun were starting to catch up.

And the lack of proper, regular food were also showing through. What would her mama say about seeing her collar bones clear through or ribs sticking out when a year ago they didn't. Saying that Serenity faced tough times was like saying the Alliance weren't nothin' but uniformed Buddhist monks.

Still and all, she wouldn't willing give up her life on Serenity. She'd found the next best thing to family and a home that any girl could possibly want. Made her eyes crease again.

The music was of a stringed instrument, plucking a small tune, designed to invoke calm and stillness. Few candles burned and incense filled the shuttle with a smoky aroma. It was a perfection environment for meditation and contemplation.

Unfortunately, neither of those things were happening at this moment.

Rather, two loud voices were yelling themselves hoarse over foolishness, to the outside observer, and strict matters of pride by the combatants. No solution seemed forthcoming, increasing the tension that much more.

"And how many times must I remind you, Captain, that I make my own choices about who I spend my time with? Not you."

His hand balled, ready to punch anything close, Mal replied "Regular folk, fine. But not the payin' kind. Thought we understood that."

Inara's eyes narrowed. "I told you, I am a companion. It's my job!"

"So quit!"

She blinked. "What?"

"Quit the gorram blasted job." He stomped around the small greeting table and stood at the shuttle's cockpit entrance.

"I can't just...a companion doesn't just quit."

"Never?"

"One or two have moved beyond their training. But that was their own choice."

"Guess I'm askin' ya to choose."

"That's not fair."

"You wanted fair, sweetheart, you ought notta come back and say sweet nothin's to a man t'make him think you made yer decision."

"As I recall, Captain, you were the one asking me to stay."

He took a swipe at the tapestry, frustrated at not feelin' the thing break. Oh, how he wanted to break somethin' right now, get this feelin' a frustration outta his system. Damn woman still fogged things but good. "That ain't how it went."

Inara bent to retrieve her tea set. "Believe what you want, Mal, but don't ask me to give up my career for a what-if and a large number of maybe's." She placed the set in a small container to be washed in the galley later.

His arms hung limp at his sides as he watched her move, her silks flowing around her beautiful form, making him want her even more. He pushed his hand through his hair. "Didn't come lookin' for a fight."

"You've said that before."

He glared. "Just wanna know, Inara, how it is you think ya can still whore and be my woman."

She straightened her shoulders, her back straight.

Wrong words, Mal, very wrong words. He raised his arms in defence. "An' before ya get all huffy-"

"Huffy?" The eyebrow arch was the only warning he would get.

"I didn't mean it quite like how it came out." He took a tentative step to her. "I'm befuddled, is all. You come back to Serenity, say yer gonna stay, give strong indication that you wanted t'make a go of us, but yer still booking clients. Point out the flaw of logic, if ya please."

Inara breathed out. "How else can I say this? It's my job, Mal. It's who I am."

"And who am I?"

"Shuh muh?"

He took another step. "Where does Malcolm Reynolds fit in the life a Inara Serra? If I ain't your beau then what am I?"

Memories of the man attempting to be gallant in front of her rolled around in her head, their conversation on the bridge being the strongest. Rather than pull her into a deep kiss, the Captain had opted for kissing her hand. She shuddered a little.

What could Inara say? Mal wasn't true love. The man was far too stubborn for love, but if she were honest, so was she. Being a companion was easy and safe, Zoe had been right. Closing herself off from the person she was with had been simple with the proper training. Merely perform the actions and have your client believe in them. She was an actor playing on stage with an audience of one.

The trouble was that Mal saw through the acting. He tested her, challenged her to see what she didn't want to. Her life was just a charade, expensive and ornate, but not substantial. And that made him different. Perhaps different enough to risk her heart.

The question remained: what was Malcolm Reynolds?

Nerving herself, Inara answered "I don't know." She hesitated in seeing his expression sadden. "But this isn't going to be easy, for either of us." She raised a hand to stop him from jumping in. "You will do jobs that put you in danger and I will do jobs that will anger you. We can't stop being who we are, Mal. It's not in our natures."

"No, Inara, that's wrong."

"Do you mean to say that if I asked you to stop thieving and smuggling that you simply would?"

He now stood close to her, his hand reaching for her hair. "You ask me t'stop breathin' an I would." His voice was a whisper, deep and intoxicating. She felt her legs wobble slightly, grateful for the dress to hide the motion.

Regaining her composure, she continued. "If I'm not a companion, then what am I?"

That stopped Mal.

Jayne flexed his left hand, grateful to have the brace removed. Simon had given the mercenary the clear to start using it again, but on a limited basis. Jayne knew exactly what he wanted to do and now stood in front of the contraption, unable to do it.

He narrowed his eye, staring at the weight bench. Clear memories of the Shepherd and him doing their work outs ran through his head, along with a softer memory of Inara and a client a hers that weren't no man.

"Need to go to your bunk?" the high voice called from the catwalk.

Jayne cringed. "Told ya before, Crazy, stay outta my head."

River grinned then walked in her way down the steps and stood opposite Jayne in front of the bench. "You want to, but you're afraid."

"Ain't afraid." Not even he believed it, it sounded so pathetic.

"I can help. Be the Preacher."

The big man was going to say something about girls and moonbrain talk, but something in his head clicked. He understood her meaning. "Might hurt ya some."

River shook her head. "Doubtful."

He huffed. "Reckon so." He scratched his cheek, mindful of the stitches across most of it and the smaller bandage over his right eye. Doc still hadn't given a prognosis on that little bit of medical and Jayne was reluctant to do his own. Girl had been right, he was afraid.

"Sit."

"Huh?"

She pointed to the bench, her own self now at the bar. He sat carefully and leaned back, his hands finding the familiar grips. Only twenty pounds were on it, pitifully easy before, now, not so easy. Swallowing hard, he breathed in, lifted the metal and felt a jolt of pain in his left hand. Grunting, he lowered the bar then raised it cautiously back up. Didn't feel too bad, well, not mind-blowing painful bad.

He finished a set of five before River took the bar from him and lowered it into the cradle. She beamed, giving him the chills. Straightening to wipe his face with his shirt, he wondered why Crazy was here, helpin' him.

River tilted her head in that way. "Healing folk need to stick together."

He huffed. "Yeah. Join the gimps club."

River laughed. "Not a gimp." She stepped away from the bench and grabbed his hand, leading him to the mat she placed nearby. "Sit." He did and she sat with him. "Lie back." He again did as instructed. She pushed his feet until they were under his knees then sat on them. "Come up."

"Don't know if yer brother wants me doin' sit ups."

"Doesn't matter what Simon wants. What do you want?"

Well, if Jayne didn't grin on that. Little sister seen fit t'do not what her brother wanted. Kinda liked that. "Won't be pretty."

"Procrastinating."

"Procras - what?"

"Do it!"

Without thought, Jayne lifted his chest to his bent knees and groaned loudly. The burn was strong, but not altogether unwelcome. Felt sorta good flexin' the muscles some.

River grasped his shoulders before he could lower himself back down. "Two times three?"

"Huh?"

"Two times three? What is two times three?"

Math test? She was givin' Jayne Cobb a math test? He shook his head. Still crazy girl.

"Not crazy. Helping. Two times three?"

"Uh...five?"

She raised an eyebrow looking ever so much like Inara doing it. "Don't play. Serious time now."

"Six."

She smiled and released his shoulders. "Another." She gestured for him to rise up again. "Capital of Londinium?"

"New London."

She smiled again and the process was repeated twenty times.

Zoe laughed a little watching the pair on the stairs leading to the galley. Who would have thought that River would take it upon herself to help fix the big man?

****

Later...

River looked to Kaylee who turned and went to Jayne's new bunk. Leaving the siblings alone, Simon pulled his sister into him, letting his arms envelope the small woman and gently rocked her. "Shh, mei-mei, everything's going to be fine."

"He remembers!" she sobbed. "Hurt. Pain. Jumbled inside and doesn't know how to come out."

Simon nodded, wondering how long it would take for Jayne to remember his torturous ordeal. Shifting to lean against the wall, he thought on his first observation of the man, blood covering much of him and holes the rest. He couldn't get his mind around the level of abuse inflicted on the mercenary, how he could have warranted such treatment.

"Lied," River sniffled, calming some. "Ugly man lied to him, but Jayne didn't want to believe. Lost."

Simon smoothed his sister's hair back, vaguely thinking that she needed a haircut and some pretty girl hair clips. "Everything's going to be fine," he said again.

She gripped his forearm. Fine was such a relative term.

Kaylee stood at the entrance, her mouth hung open lightly at the sight before her.

Jayne stood, hands clenching the small sink. His torso was bare and Kaylee was finally able to see just how much pain his body had endured. Scars criss-crossed his back and chest and another stood out red near his abdomen. More than that, though, he looked...smaller. This wasn't the big, strong Jayne that she knew, a man who could easily snap your neck one-handed without any trouble at all. No, this Jayne was not-Jayne.

"Jayne?" she called tentatively. Something in his shaking body and silent mouth gave her pause and real concern. Heat and anger washed over her and she felt afraid. He was an animal caught in a trap, ready to lunge at anything that came close enough.

Lifting his eyes to her, she stepped back. They were feral, wild. Her breath caught in her throat. She blinked furiously, wanting to run away. _No_, she thought hard, _don't do that. Gotta be strong._ Taking a deep breath, she took a step inside, pushing her body tight against the wall away from him, hoping to show that she wasn't a threat. "How about lettin' the sink go, dong ma?"

Surprisingly, Jayne did. Slowly turning to her voice, Jayne's body changed. She could see him loosen slightly, his breathing coming more regular. His eyes were still wild, but coming into greater focus.

"There. That's good," she continued gently. "Now why don't ya move to the bed?"

He stopped and hulked.

"Or not. Standing's good." Though she could see that his leg was paining him and he threatened to topple over any moment. She thought on what to do next.

"Took it."

His words made her jump she was not expecting them. "What was taken, Jayne?" She tried to sound calm and even, but wondered how successful she was being.

"Pulled my fucking knife. Ripped it off." His face softened, sadness overpowering it.

Kaylee bit her lower lip. The dragon. "Yeah. He did." She took a small step. "But he didn't take you."

Flame flashed into those eyes again. Emotions momentarily quieted with her voice raged through his head again. Burning of skin, tearing of muscle, ripping all were felt at once. He howled.

Kaylee felt her hands shake. _Oh, God, please, please don't let him do nothin' bad_. "Jayne, yer here. Now. With us on Serenity. It's over."

But it wasn't over. He could feel the hot breath scorch his face, breathing fire into the wound. The dragon was there in front of him, taunting and whipping its tail. Flame flew from its mouth and burned. He shut his eye and bellowed once more.

"What in good gorram hell is going on?" Mal stood at the doorway, unable to comprehend how his mercenary was more animal looking than he would have generally preferred and his mechanic trying to calm the beast. "Kaylee, best come on outta there." He held his hand out.

"It's okay, Cap'n." She kept her eyes on Jayne. "He just needs a bit."

"No, Kaylee, it ain't okay."

Jayne cocked his head at Mal and that's when Kaylee saw the shoulder with the bandage removed. The scar was ugly and huge and she swallowed hard. Thinkin' that somethin'd been done was sure different than seein' it. "Jayne," she said quietly again. "Jayne, bao bai, please just come over and sit a spell. You'll feel better."

He whipped his head to her. Kaylee held her breath.

"_Once I have your captain, this will all be over and you'll feel better." _

"Jayne, get yer sorry ass t'that bed. Captain's orders."

Narrow eyes now focussed on Mal and a growl escaped his lips.

"_Your captain, really, is the one who's done this to you. If you're to be angry at anyone, it's him."_

"Kaylee, get out now." Mal stepped inside, reaching for the young woman. "Come on."

The mechanic moved towards Mal. She'd made her choice.

His was made for him.

Jayne was a man who loved women. He loved how the smelled, how they felt on his skin, under his touch. He loved how their hair whipped around their faces on a windy day or splayed out on the pillow beneath him. He loved how a look could make him feel so alive. Because of that love, he respected them. He never once did anything to a woman to hurt her or make her cry out or do anything she didn't want.

Jayne was a man who hated Mal. He hated how the Captain always seemed to be right, always making sure that Jayne felt dumb. He hated how Mal never thought on him as anything more than a dog to be told what to do, when to do it and for how long. He hated how Mal never saw him as a man worthy of a little consideration. He hated how Ugly Man had been right; this was Mal's fault.

The lunge was beyond the big man's control. His body kidnapped his mind, forcing it into oblivion with only whispers of the Captain being at fault and the bringer of pain bouncing around his skull. He didn't want to see the small person come between him and his prey. When he did, he smacked it out of the way, unaware of the consequence. His fingers reached for Mal's neck, but never made it. His body had failed him once again.

Crying out in pain and cursing the brown clothed one, Jayne Cobb cradled his leg, pushing it to his chest. Blasts of electricity racked his body, whips flew across his back and he convulsed. Eyes that had been focussed were clouded.

A form moved, sounds were heard then the darkness came. Peace had come.

They were all there now, the crew and Inara, standing over Jayne's prone form. The silence was overwhelming until Simon bent down and felt the pulse at Jayne's neck. He twisted his head to look at Kaylee. "What was that?"

Kaylee was clutched close to Mal, unsure if she had a voice.

"A type of anaesthesia," Inara answered, lightly stroking the younger woman's hair. "A last resort for companions."

Simon rose. "Smart thinking, Kaylee." He eyed her and the trickle of blood at her swelling lip. "Let me have a look at that."

She couldn't move. Couldn't understand how Jayne had turned like that. "Why'd it happen, Cap'n?" her small voice asked.

Mal tightened his grip around her shoulders. He had no answer. "Go let Simon tend t'ya." He gently pushed her away. "Inara?" He nodded towards her to give Kaylee a hand.

The Companion tugged at the woman until she moved away.

Unaware of unfolding events until she had left her bunk to begin her watch, Zoe now stood next to Mal. "Any idea what just happened, Sir?"

"You got any notions on this, li'l one?" Mal continued to watch his now very dangerous mercenary.

River knelt at the doorway. Tears had stopped falling, but left their lines across her cheeks. "Wanted to find lost dragon. Found memories instead."

Lost dragon? What in hades hell did that mean? Mal saw River's finger point to Jayne's exposed shoulder. How did he not know what had happened to his tattoo?

"Didn't know it was lost until he went looking for it," River answered. She now stood, her body shielded by the door.

Presently, the Captain was thoroughly confused a more than a mite angry. Didn't need mercs going ape-shit and attacking him nor helpless mechanics.

"Not helpless anymore."

Mal narrowed his eyes. No, he supposed not. That drug-injecting ring Kaylee'd picked up from the Training House had sure come in handy. He wondered what else she had learned there, but didn't have time to dwell. Right now, he needed to find out what was not going through Jayne's head when all this started.

The twitch of Jayne's fingers also reminded Mal that there weren't nearly enough drug in that tiny ring to keep him down for long. "Zoe, tie him up, but give mind to his injuries." He didn't have to tell her to keep watch; they'd been together too long for that. He could only hope that when Jayne woke, he would be in more of a talkin' frame of mind than killin'.

Else he was going to have to make some hard decisions.

To be continued...


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: all things Firefly/Serenity are the property of Whedon et al. I'm not making any money off this, just playing with the toys.

Warning: some strong situations and language

**Chapter Four**

The building looked to need a new coat of paint and pretty much everything new. Windows were cracked, the veranda was tilted with nails popping out and the door squeaked far more than was necessary. In all, the place was a dump.

It was with past-remembrance eyes that Jayne was able to ignore the disrepair and bound up the three steps, push open the door and smile with ferocity. He almost felt like he was home, here in the whorehouse and lookin' for the woman of his dreams. Dirty little dreams.

"Jeanine!" he called, casting a glance into the parlour to right. "Hey, you gals seen Jeanine?"

A pretty brunette shook her head and Jayne looked left into the music room. Empty. Frowning, he headed to the kitchen in the back and grinned again. "Hey now darlin'," he said.

"Jayne Cobb," Jeanine said slowly, "I've not seen hide nor hair of you for almost a year." She set her hands to her hips and raised a fine eyebrow.

"Reckon it's more than time then." He stood above her and nipped at her ear. "Waved ya I was comin', so ya ready?"

Unwilling to withstand the charms of the man she helped build, Jeanine grabbed his hands and pulled him to the back stairs. "You have the front, Clara," she called to the other pretty brunette. "I'm going to be occupied for..." She looked to Jayne and saw the glint. "A very long time."

Jayne was now pulling her up the staircase and to the oft-used room. Taking the time to re-acquaint themselves, he learned a couple of new tricks and grinned his pleasure. "Ain't never been a time when ya don't fail t'surprise a man, Jeannie." He caressed her side, the curve of her waist as soft as ever.

"A woman's got to take pride in her work," she replied, her own hands finding something to fondle. "Need to keep learning if you're to do it properly." She removed his belt, looped her fingers and tugged his pants off. He sat her on the bed and stood close. His eyes nearly bugged out of their sockets with the moves she was providing and was thanking every deity he could dream of for her pride of work.

"Ai ya!" he was barely able to spit. "Woman, yer a wonder." He gripped her head then shoulders and pushed her onto her back, his own fingers looping her camisole off and exposing her breasts. He dug in.

And was promptly interrupted by a loud and continuous banging on the wood door. "Miss Jeanine! Miss Jeanine!"

She rolled her eyes and huffed loudly. No interruptions, she kept telling the girls. No one was to be disturbed during her work. Rule number two. She smirked. Rule number one had gone out the window after Jayne's second visit.

"Miss Jeanine!" The rise at the end was terrifying. The girl was scared out of her mind. Something was seriously wrong.

Pushing Jayne off, she went to the door, not bothering to cover herself. "Rose, this had better be damned important or you're going to be one sorry-" She stopped in mid-tirade at seeing the tear and mascara run face before her. "What is it?" Her voice now serious.

"They's coming, Miss Jeanine! They's gonna be here. Whadda we gonna do?" The girl was shaking.

"Who, Rose? Who's got you so agitated?"

Jayne sat on the bed with his arms crossed, right fingers tapping on his left bicep and eyed the girl through slits. He needed sexin' now and this girl was interferrin'.

Rose jumped at the deep boom, a yell escaping her. She fell into Jeanine's arms. "We're gonna die. Oh God!" She sobbed and shook. Jeanine looked to the crying mess with a strange curiosity and a little frustration. Her girls were supposed to be stronger than this. She had no more thought the comment when hall doors opened and another young woman finished climbing the stairs.

"Miss Jeanine, we have to get to the basement," Clara called. "Reavers are coming." Her eyes were terrified, but her resolve showed in her body language. People were now rushing into the hall and making dashes to perceived safety. "Hurry."

"Ain't no such thing," Jayne called from the bed, irritation in his voice. "Only stories t'scare youngun's too dumb t'know the bogeyman ain't real."

"Rose, come on, honey, get it together." Jeanine held the woman in front by the arms. "Be strong, girl. Go with Clara to the basement. We'll be along. You do that, hear?"

When the girl only quivered, Jeanine gave her a small shake. "Rose! You hear?" The woman swallowed, but nodded. "Now go!" She turned and pushed the woman to Clara and watched them leave the hallway. "Jayne, you got any guns with you?"

"Helluva stupid question." Another boom sounded and bits of dust fell from the ceiling. He looked up wonderin' what was happenin' then reckoned he oughta get clothed.

"Best get them, love." She now had her camisole on and was wrapping a shawl around as well. Opening the hidden drawer under the bed, she withdrew a substantial looking eight-shooter and a sawed off shotgun.

"You plannin' on doin' some killin'?" he asked as they went downstairs, a smile forming. Been a while since he'd done his own.

"Hope not, not any men leastways." She grabbed some spare bullets while another boom shook the whole house like an earthquake.

He saw Jeanine's hand begin to shake. "Easy, woman. I'll protect ya. No cause-"

The scream made even Jayne jump. He whipped his head to the kitchen window to find out where it was coming from and saw the most disgusting creature in his entire life lift its head with blood dripping from its lips. The thing went for more and another scream came.

The door was blown open to the whorehouse and two creatures barged in, spying Jayne and Jeanine in the kitchen. They hobbled over at surprising speed, mouths spewing guttural grunts. Two blasts from the shotgun slowed them and Jayne's firing into their skulls ended them. Without further thought, both dashed into the basement and locked the steel door, a door Jayne noted was new and not squeaky.

Finding his way down in the dark basement, Jayne could hear the quiet crying and panted breaths of maybe a dozen people. Jeanine guided him to the corner and whispered, "Save two bullets, Jayne. One for me and one for yourself they come through that door." He heard the fear in her voice and felt it from the others.

"What the hell're those things?"

"Reavers. Now keep quiet."

The pounding and screeching continued for what felt like days. When it finally stopped, the group remained silent, cautious that it was a trick and the Reavers would be outside to grab them. Two hours after the silence began, Jeanine rose and went to the door. She listened intently, but heard nothing. She pulled her pistol and heard Jayne come up behind her. She unlocked the door and he opened it.

The Reavers were gone. Their remnants remained and nearly sickened Jayne. He just couldn't understand how it had happened, much less why. Bodies were everywhere in the town, pieces all over. He knelt at one, the smell overwhelming him. Skin was gone, organs were gone and clothing was torn to shreds. Ta ma duh, were those teeth marks?

"You ought to go now, Jayne," Jeanine's quiet voice broke in. He stood and saw her proffered hand with money. "Didn't fulfill my end of the deal," she said simply.

He stared down at her. "I don't get it." He went for the money.

"There's nothing to get," she answered. "Just take-"

A wild scream broke their conversation and both looked left at a man shrieking and writhing. One of Jeanine's girls had gone to him and at her touch, he let loose. He kicked her knee out and was about to lunge when Jayne shot him in the chest. It slowed the man-thing, but now he turned to Jayne. The thing was quick and was on top of Jayne in a flash, blood oozing and spittle dropping onto Jayne's face. He could smell the foul breath and felt the thing's hands clamp around his neck. It cried and screeched and showed teeth filed into points. Skin torn across his cheek exposed the bone and was held together with only a thick metal pin.

The yelling went on, savage and wild, until it fell on top of Jayne and was still. Scrambling, Jayne kicked it off him and backed away on hands and feet, his heart pounding in his ears. He looked up to see Jeanine holding her shotgun. He looked back to the creature, his eyes still wide.

Jayne Cobb had seen plenty of hard things in his life, experienced a beating or four and knew what death looked like. But this was new. New sight, new sounds, new smells and new emotions.

Never in his life had Jayne been bone deep afraid.

**Later...**

"_Have you ever been afraid?"_

The memory jolted River awake from her light sleep in the co-pilot's chair, a memory that she knew was Jayne's. He was dreaming again and it wasn't pleasant. His recollection of what had been done to him had resulted in terrible dreams and little sleep for either.

Finding comfort at the controls of Serenity, River had opted for the bridge to spend her nights. She could block out Jayne by focussing on cortex calls, encyclopaedic readings and just listening to the ship. Tonight, she had dozed, let her guard down, and felt the explosion of Jayne's nightmare.

"Shh," she soothed, caressing the controls. "Sleep now and let your mind be still." Feeling Jayne recede back into a void, River closed her eyes and leaned back in the chair. "Know you hurt. Won't last. Nothing does." Her whispers were soft and clear.

"River?"

She slowly opened her eyes to see Zoe standing next to her. She smiled.

"Was someone else up here?"

River shook her head. "Not someone." She rose lithely and faced the first mate. "You understand. War. Pain."

Zoe nodded. "More than most, I suppose."

"Jayne's a soldier now, like you."

"No," Zoe shook her head, "he's a survivor. Not quite the same thing."

River tilted her head as though listening to a conversation that only she could hear. "She doesn't see a difference. Both call out in the middle of the night. Both remember suffering."

Zoe straightened. "I chose to be a soldier and all the bad that came with it. Jayne didn't." _Neither did Wash._

The way River stared at Zoe made the older woman wonder on the girl's thoughts. "Chose to be fighters. Ship's yours," she suddenly said. "Take good care of my girl." River darted down the steps, momentarily pausing at Jayne's bunk. She felt the metal door. Jayne was once again in his bunk, but wasn't home.

For probably the fifth time, Kaylee rolled her eyes at the Captain. "I'm fine, Cap'n, really. Simon said so."

Mal's brow furrowed as he sat across from his mechanic, the light casting awkward shadows. It had been three days since the incident with Jayne and he was unconvinced that li'l Kaylee was as good as she appeared. Girl had a habit of covering up her sadness with chipper. "Still, knock like that's bound t'get ya mite startled. Just makin' sure."

"It's not that bad, Captain," Simon interjected. "It didn't even require stitches."

"See?" Kaylee pointed at Simon.

"Alright, mei-mei." He slopped some porridge like substance into his bowl and nearly dropped it when River's hand touched his shoulder. He shut his eyes, gritted his jaw and took a very deep breath. "Warnings, girl. Gotta warn when yer sneakin' like that."

River only smiled and grabbed a bowl for herself then sat opposite Simon. She smelled the breakfast then made a face. "First mate is not a cook."

"Reckon she ain't, but we don't have many options at the moment." Mal took his own bite and swallowed with difficulty. Bit dry. "Aim to be at Regina day after tomorrow, drop the shipment then take some time."

"Thirty-two hours, fourteen minutes," River said, looking curiously at her food. "Excluding any birthdays." She lifted her spoon and examined the grey mass threatening to fall from it.

"Right, day after tomorrow," Mal repeated. "Make sure whatever needs doing gets done." He looked pointedly to his mechanic. "We get paid, you see what Serenity needs."

Kaylee grinned then reached a hand to her lip, still tender. "Shiny, Cap'n."

Mal shook his head, but said nothing more on his injured friend. Sighing, he took his dish to the washer then strode to the cargo hold. He tapped the crates and smiled a little. Half-way legal transport was always welcome and this had been the easiest they'd had for some time.

Shame he couldn'ta used his merc t'haul the cargo in and out. But then, wasn't sure he wanted to. Bound and guarded, Jayne had come around from Kaylee's anaesthetic and pitched a fit until Simon had doped him. After waking from that, the big man just lay there, barely moving, barely breathing. Mal's hand hovered near his gun when Zoe removed the bonds, but other than rub his wrists, Jayne didn't move. Didn't stop Mal from locking the door, though.

When River gave the clear, in her own way, that he wasn't a threat did Mal let him out. Jayne ambled to his bunk and hadn't been out since. Probably for the best seein' as Mal wasn't anxious to have a repeat performance. Let the man sulk, pine, wallow or whatever for a spell then come up for air like he always did. This was Jayne, after all. Weren't in him to just sit and mope. 'Course, didn't seem right for him to be alone that long, but neither was him going fong-luh.

Happens again, the merc'd be dumped for sure, promise of a job or not. Made that fact indisputable to the man.

Stepping over to the weight bench, he pulled off his suspenders and shirt and began his new regiment. He finally understood the appeal of the thing, what had drawn Jayne to it, even Book to some degree.

It was simple.

The gorram thing was the simplest thing in the world to do, just lift up and down. Didn't require much thought, plus for Jayne, and got a body into a rhythm and reality all its own. No surprises, no demands. Just lift. Let the mind be free for a spell. Sorta spiritual, in a way, if Mal were t'start thinkin' in such a way.

**Before...**

When the story had been told to Zoe, in all its incarnations, she had been ready to kill the piece of go se. She'd never feared the man; Jayne did nothing to intimidate her and she only marginally respected him. She knew him to be fond of women and would under no circumstances do any harm to them by choice.

So when she saw Kaylee sitting in the engine room, her lip purple and swollen, she felt an anger rise into her that she'd felt only once before. No matter how much Jayne had done for the crew, no matter how much she had started thinking of him as family, he was going to feel her wrath for hurting Kaylee.

"No, Zoe," the mechanic had asked. "Don't do nothin'."

The woman's eyes narrowed. "You want to give me a good reason not to?"

"Weren't him."

Zoe's expression did not change.

"I mean, it was Jayne, but it weren't him at that time." Kaylee slumped into her hammock. "Somethin' happened to him and he remembered what they done." She looked up. "Before you rescued him."

Zoe remained in her spot, willing to hear the younger woman out.

"He was hurtin' an' sometimes people do things they wouldn't normally." She began to swing lightly. "Still hurtin', I figure, seein' as he ain't come out yet. I think he's punishin' himself more'n you or I could."

"It wasn't right."

Kaylee nodded. "That's the truth, but it were understandable. Besides," she tried to grin around her sensitive lip, "held my own against him." Pride swelled from her heart. She had fought against an attacker and won. No more vulnerable little girls here.

"That you did." Zoe folded her arms across her chest and thought on Kaylee's words and to her own before agreeing to the rescue. The man was a bastard, no doubt, but he was their bastard. They'd gone more than out of their way to rescue him, something she had not been reluctant to do. She wasn't about to waste that effort by killing him now. Still, she couldn't let Jayne think that he'd gotten away with something, no matter how much pleading Kaylee gave.

The first mate even smiled. Kaylee had done good in using the sedative on Jayne. Showed clear thinking during stress. Maybe the woman's thinking was still clear.

The boots landed first with a heavy thud then barefeet followed down the ladder. River moved from the entrance and smiled before pulling on the boots. That done, she strode amongst the mess to Jayne's bed and sat, mindful of the knife.

Jayne stared at her and she stared back. How many times had he told her to keep outta his head and now he was beggin' her to. Just open it up, reach around and yank out the bad so he wouldn't have t'remember what he did. _Please, girl, just do this one thing and give me a speck a peace._

She narrowed her eyes and lightly shook her head. "Can't do that. Cheating."

Jayne lowered his eyes, the right one half-way. He swallowed hard and thought about the image gapin' back at him when he'd torn the bandage off. The merc had always known that he was appealin' t'women, not just with his muscled arms an' chest, but his face some, too. Women'd run their fingers across his cheeks and mouth, saying things like "swai" and "ruggedly handsome". Even Jeanine when she thought he were sleepin'.

Things were different now. Body'd gone t'mush and the red line 'cross his face made him all manner a ugly now. Weren't Jayne no more.

"Not true," River shook her head. "You're still there. Inside." She eyed his scarred chest and he lifted his chin. "Crude and mean. Disgusting jokes and horny. Protective of family." Her eyes grew big. "Loved your mother." She grinned and looked him in the eye. "Two times three."

Jayne looked away, his mouth twitching.

River frowned and moved closer, nearer. "Two times three." She grabbed his hand and guided it to his chest, laying it flat. Feeling his heart, the heat from his body, he blinked. What the gorram hell was she tryin' t'prove.

The girl rolled her eyes and laughed. "See? You're still there. Alive." Her eyes focussed with complete clarity. "Two times three."

**Later..**

Everyone was grateful for the landing at Regina. Core enough to have some nice things to gaze upon and rim enough to be able to blend amongst the criminals.

Strangely, the meeting with the Juarez contact went very well. Cargo was removed and coin changed hands. Mal actually smiled and gave the crew twenty-four hours of free time to spend as they pleased.

"Even you, Cap'n?" Kaylee asked as they stood on the ramp, the afternoon sun refreshing on their skins.

"Ah, now, don't go frettin' on me, li'l Kaylee," he answered. "Go have yerself some fun." On cue, Simon strode down the ramp and paused at Kaylee.

"Would you mind...perhaps we could have lunch...together?

"What about River?"

"Girl's fine," River answered from behind. She tugged on the mechanic's arm. "Come on. Time for real food."

With a smile to rival the sun, Kaylee followed her friend with Simon in tow, a smile on his own lips. Felt good to Mal having his crew back to near on normal, good enough that he might even partake in some libations.

"Zoe," he called on the intercom, "interested in relivin' some fine tales and finer memories?"

The pause made the Captain hesitate, but when she replied yes, he half grinned. _Good day_, he thought waiting on Zoe. Place was warm enough and he'd had some money in his pocket. Ship wasn't fallin' outta the sky and he managed to get his first mate out on the town some. Yep, good day.

He was about to turn at the sound of shuffled clomping and rubber-tipped crutch hitting the grating when he heard Zoe's familiar footsteps and the clomp stopped. He ventured a looksy when there was creepifying silence and saw Zoe staring Jayne down, hard.

She had her soldier stance on, the one that every normal person knew not to fuck with. Hands on hips near her gun, feet shoulder width apart for quick kicking and an eye that could have melted steel into slag. She'd hurt you painfully slow if anything was tried. Even Mal took a step back.

Jayne knew the body language; he'd seen it plenty a times. Needin' drinkin' somethin' bad, he was anxious to get out from under that glare, but she kept it up. When he finally acknowledged her, the message was immediate.

"You hurt her." It wasn't a statement. _Try, just try it again, and you'll be walking with the stars_.

With a final narrowing of the eyes, Zoe heel-turned and smiled at the Captain. "Don't know about you, but I could use a drink about now." With confident strides, she walked down the ramp and into the smallish bustling of the crowd.

Mal eyed Jayne and flinched at the slice across his mercenary's face. He knew it was there, had been hiding under the bandage, but wo de mah! He tried to cover his reaction when the big man caught him, but it had been enough. Forcing his collar higher and pulling his hat lower, the clomping resumed, moving far faster than Mal would have thought possible with the crutch.

He found the darkest, dankest bar in the God-forsaken town and went to the table in the corner, out of sight, out of light. The barkeep asked what he wanted and Jayne motioned to a trio of men at the table nearest the bar. A minute later, a coolish pint of beer was sloshed on the table. Jayne looked up when the barman hadn't left and bared his teeth a little. He sneered when the man cringed and scurried back to the safety of the bar, without getting paid.

As Jayne gulped the beer, he surveyed the room. Nothin' special, nothin' beyond ordinary. Just like most two-bit holes he'd spent much of his life hidin' out in. It stank and he would have wrinkled his nose 'cept that his own odour had dulled that sense some.

He finished his drink and slammed it on the table and indicated another. Today, Jayne Cobb was going to get not just piss drink, he was gonna drink himself into a mindless stupor and hope that he killed enough brain cells t'make him forget.

God dammit, he needed t'forget the fear in their eyes as he clawed and attacked. The sound of his smack across soft skin, breakin' a lip, made him shake and he washed the memory down with another swig of the freshly arrived brew.

"_I only asked for one simple thing and your captain couldn't see fit to give it to me." The Ugly Man shook his head with a tisk. "Do you suppose he'll give it to me if I break you?"_

Little rivers of golden liquid spread across and off the table. Jayne hadn't feel the glass cut into his hand as he smashed the half-filled container onto the table. Just another cut, just another rip and bit a blood. Nothin' to it no more.

"_You don't know how awful this is for me. If you would just stop fighting it, you would feel so much better." He took a drink then flicked a knife out and began toying with it, the harsh light glinting and blinding. "He's not worth it, you understand. Your captain is no hero."_

_He looked up through swollen eyes. "Is," he rasped._

_Ugly Man shook his head. "Would heroes let men like you exist? I know who you are, Jayne Cobb, and you are a very bad man."_

_Some didn't think so. Mattie. Ma. Kaylee._

Kaylee?

_He spit towards the Ugly Man, but missed. "Not very nice, Jayne. Behaviour like that gets punished."_

Jayne wondered why he tasted blood then felt the throb of his tongue he'd bitten through.

"Oh, uh, here." The barman was there, wiping the table and producing another pint. "Weak glass, musta been. Heh-heh." He quickly left. A small cloth was left behind and Jayne quickly wrapped his hand with it. A scarlet patch came through with a small expansion. His unseeing eyes were fixed on it.

"_Do you see this?"_

_Jayne forced his eye to open. The dagger was red._

"_This is yours. How much more do you have to give?"_

_He screamed as the dagger drew again into his thigh, deeper than before._

His eyes fluttered.

Jayne emptied the third glass without pausing. He was about to leave when a form stepped next to him, curvy and endowed.

"You look like you need some relaxin'." She traced her fingers up his arm. "All tense and that just doesn't suit you." She reached his shoulder then neck. "I can help you unwind, if you'll let me." Her voice purred. She grabbed and removed his hat. "Just let-" She gasped softly before she could stop herself.

Yanking the hat from her grasp, Jayne stood and barrelled his way past her and out the door, best as he could with the ruttin' crutch slowin' him. The sun and too-quick drinkin' was makin' his head a bit wavy. He stepped back to the door, lettin' th'tiny awnin' give some shade to his eyes. Tappin' at his side pocket, he felt the hard flask. Blinding rotgut it was.

**Later...**

Serenity had landed while the town was having its annual festival and the crew was able to partake in some of the festivities. Tonight, a staged show was performed with a motley of acts.

Mal smoothed out the blanket he was on to allow Inara a seat. The evening air was refreshing and smelled a little of lilacs. "Not quite yer crowd," he commented.

Inara smiled lightly. "Not exactly, but not unwelcome either." She bent her legs beneath her and straightened her dress around her. The light wind caught the loose tendrils and she raised a polished hand to retrieve the lost locks. With the campfire lights reflecting, she looked like a goddess. Mal caught a smile play across his own lips. Times like this, he was glad she'd come back. Made him forget all the fights and stupid arguments.

"Mal?"

"Mm?" He jerked. "Oh. What?"

She moved her head in the direction of Zoe and Mal lifted an eyebrow. His first mate was resting on an elbow, her long legs stretched out before and she was grinning at the slapstick team currently on stage. An honest to God grin was on her lips and a chuckle even escaped those same lips. "Huh."

Inara rolled her eyes and her smile broadened. Mal's diction astounded her sometimes. She roamed the open area and spotted Simon with River and Kaylee nearby. He was trying to keep River from jumping up and joining comedic show. Inara knew the world to be less than Alliance friendly, but one could never be too cautious.

The Companion smirked at seeing the telltale look in Kaylee's eye as she flirted openly with any and all young men who gave the slightest hint of something more. There had been a time when she would have worried for her young friend, risking herself with strange men, but after the time at the Training House and the recent incident with Jayne, she knew Kaylee was capable. Add to that two former soldiers and the young woman was well-protected.

The only one missing (three, if she were to be honest with herself) was Jayne. Since returning to the ship from her last client, an argument still unresolved with Mal, and being invited to the evening's entertainment, she hadn't seen the mercenary. She hoped that he was keeping out of trouble, but that hope vanished with the arrival of the local law enforcement.

"You Reynolds?"

Mal's hand automatically went to his sidearm. "Depends." _How many times I gotta have this conversation?_

A badge was flashed. "Hear tell you came in on that Firefly at dock 3."

Mal only eyed the man.

"Seems we got one a your crewmen. Thought you might want t'drag him home."

The Captain stifled a sigh and looked to Inara. "He cause some ruckus or misbehavin'?" his eyes now back at the sheriff.

The man shook his head. "Not so much. Folks just don't like seeing big drunk men scaring little children is all. Jails a block south a here." He waved a thumb in the general direction. "You want him tonight, best get there before eleven. Otherwise, he spends the night in the drunk tank." The sheriff rose, his knees cracking a little at the movement and left.

Hands clapped as the performance ended. An announcer gave the name of the next act, another applause and loud music was piped out.

Mal leaned back, resting his weight on his hands, arms straight, as he settled in to the music. He caught Inara's head turn and the silent question of why he wasn't gathering up his mercenary. Moving forward, Mal wiped his hands. "This gets t'be a habit with that man, I'm liable to just leave his sorry ass."

Inara looked away. As much as she felt Mal's frustration about Jayne, she knew that it was also related to himself. He'd picked this crew and felt responsible. He just would have liked for his crew to behave at least decently. Staring at her lap, she smiled as she saw him rise, muttering angrily, and stomped off to retrieve the lost crewman.

River stopped her sway to the music, looked behind her and watched the Captain walk towards the jail.

"River?" Simon inquired. "What's wrong?"

After a moment, she spoke. "He's losing." She watched Mal enter the local jail. "Needs help or gone forever."

To be continued...


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: I recommend reading the previous four chapters of this series and the two prequel series "The Way" and "Judas and Mercy". Having read the comic book "Serenity: Those Left Behind" will be useful as well.

* * *

The man was nothing to look at, leastways not as a threat. Weren't nothin' but a Shepherd and how threatenin' could they be?

Turns out, plenty. Took out a Fed with two little moves then didn't even twitch with a pistol in his face. Stood strong against a slew a armed guards on the skyplex without breakin' much as a sweat.

And he was strong, too, pressin' more'n Jayne thought possible for a guy his age. Ended up gettin' himself a good spotter so's Jayne could get a proper work out with heavier weights without fear a killin' himself.

'Course it was a little more than scary at how much th'man knew 'bout guns and weapons an such. Always wondered on that little bit a past. Seemed unnatural for a man a God to possess such knowledge. Wasn't about t'complain, though. Some a that intell had proved right useful.

Yep, the Preacher was the best addition to the crew.

Maybe that's why it were so gorram hard to watch the man leave.

The crew was all there, saying their good-byes and best wishes, hoping it wouldn't be the last time they crossed paths with the Shepherd. Mal watched from the side as Book went to each person, stopping lastly at Jayne.

Mal hadn't quite understood, none of them did, how a man of the cloth could become such close friends with a killing machine. But maybe that wasn't how Book saw Jayne. Maybe Jayne was a man, albeit not overly bright and needing some refinement - well, more than some - but a man who needed to be heard and listened to. A man needed to feel more than useful; needed to feel wanted.

Book did quite a bit of thinking during their workout sessions. The simplicity of them cleared his mind, focussing his thoughts. The Captain had been an enigma early on, but Book quickly discovered the falsehood of that. Mal was surviving and in doing that, he had to be pragmatic, not always to the betterment of his soul. There had been more than one occasion where the good Shepherd had prayed for Mal.

But how Mal looked to his crew and ship was nothing less than admirable. They weren't just people, they were family complete with sibling rivalry and jealousy. But there was love there amongst all of them. So it hurt Book a little each time Mal looked down at Jayne or dismissed him as nothing more than a dumb brute. Of course, trying to tell the Captain this would have resulted in more than unpleasantness, but there would be a time when Mal would come to appreciate the mercenary for more than his killing skills.

Standing before Jayne, Book knew he wouldn't be around to see it. He smiled anyway and clasped the man's hand in a firm and warm grasp. He saw the twitch at the big man's mouth as though he wanted to say something nice, but feared it would make him appear weak in front of the others. Book knew Jayne didn't understand why he was leaving, but hadn't questioned it either. Man had to make his own way and Jayne was grateful for the time they had spent as friends.

Book's grin faded. "You're not alone, son," he said quietly. "There will always be someone watching out for you." He covered their handshake with his free hand. The grip was released as suddenly as it had come.

And then the Preacher was gone, good-byes all done. Simon stood by Kaylee, wanting to put his arm around her to comfort her and keep her silent tears from falling. River stood at the ramp, her light dress billowing from the wind of the planet and her hand scrunching around the bits of paper Book had pressed into it, her eyes following him into the bright sun. Mal turned and stomped up the stairs towards his bunk. Zoe watched then looked to her husband, acknowledging the quiet sadness they shared.

Jayne opened his hand to see the small necklace placed in it by the Shepherd. He lifted the chain and saw a figure carrying a small child on his back with the words "Saint Christopher Protect Us". His brows furrowed at the thing wondering what would have possessed Book to give him something like this.

"Oh that's shiny, Jayne," Kaylee commented. She reached for the tag and read the inscription. "I remember him. He's the saint who protects travellers." She beamed up at him, her sadness now subdued. "That's what you do, protect us all."

Jayne huffed lightly. _God damn if that don't beat all._ Book had thought of him as a protector, not just some dumb merc. His face softened a little. "Yeah, well, that's what I get paid for, ain't it?"

Kaylee slapped his arm in a good natured way and grabbed the necklace from his hand. Instructing him to bend down a bit, she put it on him then stepped around. "Suits ya." She grinned again then made her way to the engine, Simon going his way to the infirmary.

River passed by and cocked her head in that River way. Jayne shook his head, muttering something about crazy stares and tromped up to his bunk. Now alone in the cargo hold, Zoe and Wash off in the bridge, River slapped the cargo door shut. "Carried the children on his back, but the king didn't like. Killed him dead," she whispered to the ship. She stared at the catwalk Jayne had taken to his bunk then padded softly to the lounge.

**Later...**

Mal was more than a little perturbed. Downright angry only scratched the surface. How many times had he told him, how many? Jayne was becoming a liability with all this drunkenness and jailing and Mal was tired of it.

He stormed off the ramp and headed into the village, his anger increasing with each footfall, until he stood inside the jail. The jailer immediately saw the wrath and said nothing, only opening the cell door, standing safely behind it lest this browncoated man turn his hostility to him.

"Get your fucking ass off that cot," Mal seethed between bone crunching teeth.

Jayne didn't move.

Mal kicked the cot, but the merc didn't budge. "Ta ma duh," he cursed and swivelled to the jailor. "You got a bucket?"

The smaller man nodded and pointed behind the desk. Grabbing it, he asked for the tap then proceeded to fill the bucket with very cold water. Dumping it unceremoniously on Jayne, he was rewarded with a grunt and roll off the small cot onto the now wet floor. Mal's eyes narrowed. "So help me, Jayne, I gotta do this once more, I won't." He tossed the bucket, letting it clatter noisily and twisted himself out of the cell.

"You might want to get up, mister," the jailer's voice called. The gulp was audible. "I don't want him coming back in after you."

Huffing loudly, Jayne shifted his position, bringing his arms and legs under him until he could push himself up to stand. Swaying a little, he belched then licked his lips. He patted himself down, finding comfort in the metal flask, but anger flaring when he couldn't feel Betty at his hip. And where was Lux?

Surveying the jail with squinty eyes, he spotted his new knife and sheath on the desk and Lux tucked in behind it. He staggered over and roughly dragged both to him.

"Oh, uh, you'll need-" The man was silenced by Jayne's snarl as he swiped at the offered crutch.

When the hulk had left, the jail guard sighed and wondered if the sheriff would be upset over him not giving two weeks notice.

* * *

Mal scowled and Zoe merely breathed deeply.

"Got us a job on Boros we're gonna be late on 'cause a him." Mal stormed into the galley, slamming doors and mugs to get some coffee. "I've not asked anythin' a him I don't ever. Just get back to th'ship afore we leave." He roughly poured the drink into the mug and swallowed some. "Can't even do that."

Zoe stood at the table, her hand resting on the back of a chair. They both knew what Jayne was going through, had seen it plenty during the war, but they didn't know what to do.

"What's with all the bashing?" Kaylee asked, bounding into the room.

"Nothin'," Mal growled. "Everything's just shiny." He took another drink and dumped the rest in the sink. "Shit." He barrelled through to the cockpit. "Albatross, get us in the black."

Kaylee stared at Zoe. "What's eatin' him?"

The first mate went to the coffee pot and began dumping its contents then cleaning it out. "The Captain's upset with Jayne."

Kaylee grinned. "Well that ain't nothin' new." Her smile faltered at Zoe's look. "It's bad, ain't it?"

"Seems that way."

"You think...you think the Cap'n'll dump him?" The mechanic now stood at the sink, her eyes pleading with Zoe to say that she was wrong.

"I don't know," she answered softly.

"But he can't. Jayne's parta the crew. Family. And he's hurtin', that's plain." Kaylee swallowed and bit her lower lip.

"He's not pulling his weight anymore, Kaylee. If he keeps this up..." The unfinished sentence hung in the air between them.

"He just needs some time. You'll see. He'll come around to his old self again." The younger woman lowered her eyes, hearing how fragile her words were. The more time Jayne had, the worse he seemed to be becoming. Letting him be in his bunk wasn't helping. "Just hurtin'," she repeated.

"Who's hurt?" Simon asked, stepping through into the galley.

Both women looked at him and separated.

"Is everyone all right?"

"No, Simon." She looked to her former lover. "Ain't there nothin' you can do for him?"

"Who?"

"Jayne!"

His eyebrows went up in understanding. "Ah. Jayne." He took a breath. "Well, treating PTSD is more the purview of a psychologist. I can give him some drugs, but that won't deal with the underlying problem."

Kaylee knitted her brows. "PTSD?"

"Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder," Simon answered. "Sometimes people can't deal with bad things that have happened to them so they lock it away. Later events can trigger the event memories and then they respond as though reliving the entire ordeal. Trying to regain control can be difficult afterwards."

The first mate lowered her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. "Shell shock."

Simon nodded. "Something like that."

"We need Jayne whole and functioning, not passed out in a drunk tank."

The mechanic sighed. So that's why the Cap'n was so mad. How many times had this one been? Five? Six?

"He needs to want help," Simon answered. "Until then, there's nothing really that can be done." He looked at both women, wishing he had something better to say.

**Later...**

The ship was only to be on Boros for about twelve hours, just enough to do the job, re-load and make minor repairs to the ship. There wasn't to be much time for sightseeing, but Inara had convinced Mal that a couple of hours wouldn't hurt anyone. With reluctance, Mal agreed and the crew disembarked for a meal and drink at one of the many bars in town.

Jayne disembarked as well, his thoughts focussed primarily on getting drunk.

Kaylee watched him as she ate, her mouth grateful for the taste of real food. Jayne sat alone, never catching the eye of any of the women she knew to be working the place. She had wondered about that some. Maybe that was part a the reason he were so cranky, well, beyond the whole post-traumatic thing. How long had he gone without sex? She felt her own shiver and thought on her own lack of sexual activity. Simon had been the last and that had been...longer than she would have liked.

Taking her eyes from Jayne, Kaylee casually surveyed the crowd and spotted a nice looking young man who was looking right back at her.

"Scuse me, Cap'n," she said rising from her chair. Sauntering to the bar, she asked for another drink and found a bit of heat next to her. Turning with a cute little smile, she said hello. When he paid for the drink, she thanked him with a big grin and let her hand linger over his. They parted ways, but continued their stare.

Mal looked to Zoe who only shrugged. Girl was big enough to make her own decisions. Though that didn't stop Mal from checking to see if the ring from the Training House was still on the mechanic's finger.

Dropping some money on the table, the crew rose and made to leave. Kaylee made an excuse to use the washroom and would meet up with them at the ship. Inara followed her.

"You sure about this?" she asked the younger woman.

"Don't fret, Inara. It's all shiny." Kaylee pushed her hand through her hair and made sure nothing was in her teeth. "'Sides, got the best trainin' a girl could hope t'have."

Inara smiled and gave her the comm unit with the implied understanding that went with it.

Kaylee found her male friend waiting and the pair strode out into the street, talking a little. She learned his name, Jeremiah, and discovered that he worked at a small ranch and had just rounded up some cattle for shipment off world. He was taking a well-deserved break and feeling rich with coin. They stopped at a vendor selling ice planets and laughed trying to eat the bouncy things. The pair continued to a grove of trees at the south end. Here, amidst the sound of the little creek, they sat and began to enjoy each other's company.

Kaylee sighed into him, relishing the thrill and excitement of sex that she had missed. Jeremiah wasn't especially experienced, but he knew some and she showed him a move or three. There weren't fireworks, but a couple of ooh's and ah's did escape her lips.

She buttoned her dress, looking over at him zipping his trousers. "This was nice. Thanks."

Jeremiah narrowed his eyes a little, hoping she wasn't going to get into small talk or worse yet, start thinking beyond the romp into a relationship.

"Well," she offered her hand, "good meetin' ya." Her face beamed.

He shook her hand and smiled himself. "You, too. You ever come back around here, you can look me up, if you want."

She tilted her head and laughed. "Ah, that's sweet." No way in the 'verse she was going to do that. With another laugh, she exited the grove and headed back to Serenity.

* * *

Simon kept looking over his shoulder, his hands clenching and unclenching.

"Big girl," River said.

Simon nodded.

"Perfectly natural."

He nodded again.

"It's only intercourse."

"River!" He stopped, slack jawed and bewildered.

"Same as with you, only just sex this time."

"I can't be hearing this."

River giggled and flitted ahead.

"Simon," Zoe said, putting her arm around his shoulder, "do you know how Kaylee managed to become the ship's mechanic?"

* * *

Despite appearances, Jayne had been watching. Knew the table in the back with the four men was bad business, the table near the window with a man and a woman as good business and the drunks at the bar as annoyances. Saw the whole crew sitting down at the meal, laughing and enjoying their little bit a time on planet. Saw Kaylee's eye on him, too.

He took another swig of the... what in hell was this? He sniffed the glass. He knew it was somethin' he liked, just couldn't rightly remember its name. Fancy doc had said his brain would get better an' with some a th'drugs Simon'd been given him, did seem that way. All that alcohol was interferin' some, though. Or maybe, to his way of thinkin', the booze wasn't interferin' enough.

He coughed loudly and felt River's hard stare. _Go ahead, little girl, get yer gawkin' in_, he thought. _Ol' Jayne ain't nothin' more than a useless body waitin' for the devil t'come pick him up._ River only picked up her chopsticks and stabbed at the meat on her plate.

He watched the crew finish and finally leave, but Kaylee weren't with them. She'd done took off with that silly boy who'd come in with his pa. He frowned. She hadn't even said nothin' to him on her way out. And watchin' her makin' gooey eyes made him sick. When he figured enough time'd gone by, he reached for his crutch, looped his forearm through the hold and hoisted himself up, groaning very loudly. He dropped some coins and staggered out.

As Jayne scoured the street, a fleeting thought passed his brain. Simon hadn't been sure that the knife slice would take his sight. Seemed it hadn't. Had perfect enough vision outa the eye and he was grateful for the tiny miracle. If he could only get his knee t'work proper or find some way to rip out the pain memories from his head, he'd be shiny.

Drunk would have to suffice.

By the time Jayne had ambled back to the ship, a little less sloshed than he woulda preferred, Kaylee was practically bouncing next to him. "Hi, Jayne!" Gorram it, she glowed!

She reached for his arm to help him lift his leg over the rise between the ramp and the ground without thinking. Just seemed natural to the girl to help and he hated it. Hated it more since his "incident" with her. Still couldn't look her in the eye.

"Cap'n says we're off to the black for a spell, takin' it easy to Athens for some sorta salvage. Might be somethin' in it for you."

Had Jayne looked to her, he would have seen her grin. And the somewhat dishevelled hair. He bit his tongue at the image of her gettin' sexed when all he got were cringes from even the most horrifyin' whores. He continued his pace back to his bunk, the stairs causing him to slow to near a crawl to climb. But she was still there.

"Hadn't seen you much these last few weeks," she started from behind. "Glad t'see ya gettin' out some."

He lifted his leg onto another step.

"Truth is, been a little worried on you." Her voice lowered. "Not like you t'spend so much time in yer bunk." She stopped when he did and gazed up at him.

_Fuck, Kaylee. Can't you just leave a man alone?_He would have snarled, but her shining face stopped it before it reached his throat.

"Lookin' some better, too." She pointed a finger and he promptly pulled his hat lower. "Don't got to hide, Jayne. We all got some scars or other on us. An' I ain't mad."

He cringed. He'd rather she'd been mad. That was somethin' he knew how to react to. But that would have been too easy. How in hell do you deal with forgiveness?

She moved past him. "C'mon, I'll make you some lunch." She jogged up the remaining steps. "Didn't see you eatin' anything and I've got an appetite."

**Before...**

Simon put away the needle and examined Jayne's knee. "The pain should be dulling." He gingerly touched it, feeling the bones horribly out of place and wishing he had a proper bone knitter. It had been a shame that the Captain didn't have more money to pay for an operation while at Te Junction. It could have saved the man some strong aches.

The Doctor pulled his pen and made some notes on his board. "And the vision? It's good?"

Jayne nodded.

"Well, that's a relief." He pulled a light pen and flashed it into Jayne's right eye. "Everything looks good inside. You were lucky there."

Jayne huffed. Lucky didn't seem to fit the bill.

Simon stepped back and placed the clipboard onto the counter. "Jayne," he began, "I know we haven't always...been friends." He laughed lightly. "Most times we barely tolerated each other." He stepped to the man now sitting with his legs over the bed. "I can't begin to understand what you've been through-"

Didn't see the hand fist up.

"But I am sorry. No matter our differences, you don't deserve this."

Jayne looked to Simon. This was about as good as it was going to get between the men. A sort of grudging respect reminiscent of Miranda. He nodded his agreement.

"Oh, that's so good!" Kaylee commented from the doorway. "Glad to see you two gettin' along." She beamed at Simon then turned to Jayne. He quickly turned his face and shifted his position. She looked back to Simon who lightly shrugged his shoulders. She knew the merc was embarrassed and felt guilty. Written plain as day across the big man's face and she wanted to say it didn't matter none. Didn't blame him for bein' in a situation she shouldn'ta been in th'first place.

But Jayne was stubborn like the Captain and wasn't about to listen.

"Well, it's good t'have folk bein' friendly and civil-like," she finally said.

**Later...**

Being in the black for nearly a week required some creative thinking to keep a mind occupied. Simon was busying himself with a spotless infirmary and had extended it out to the lounge area, ordering and organising everything in sight. Zoe spent time on the bridge pulling out and removing the long-held storage containers down front. Mal roamed between the weights and Inara's shuttle, still trying to work out in his head how they could make a proper go of a relationship. Kaylee tinkered with any and all things mechanical. And River just wandered the ship, letting its voice speak to her and fill her.

Today, it was telling her to be with Jayne in the cargo hold.

He was standing at the weight bench, flexing his free hand. Had been some time since he'd used it since getting the brace off his left wrist and the full on drunk for the last few weeks had softened his body even more. He ground his teeth then stared up at the catwalk.

"Own two feet," River said.

He took a deep breath then sat and began lifting the bar. Four times was his limit. He was disgusted with himself.

"Not to worry." River now stood in the middle of the hold. She giggled. "Rome wasn't built in a day."

His eyes narrowed. _Weren't lookin' t'be Rome, just Jayne_.

"Already are. Again." The girl pointed at the bench.

With little resistance, Jayne did as instructed, only getting to four lifts once again.

"Again."

Jayne glared.

"Again." She was at the bench now.

He swatted her hand away, but it came back, daring him to try again. He thrust it roughly from his sight, grabbed the crutch and began walking away until her hand pulled at his shoulder. "Again."

Jayne jerked his shoulder back, an angry stare crossing his features. Anyone else would have backed away quickly. River slapped him.

After the shock passed, he swallowed hard to keep himself from striking out at her.

She slapped his face again, this time across his right side. Stronger pain.

He breathed hard.

She punched him and he staggered back. Outrage started welling in his frame. Few people walked away from smacking Jayne Cobb around. His eyes narrowed and he wondered if she was doing some weird-ass suicide attempt.

"Not me. Not you, either," she said, taking a step forward, another punch smacking his jaw. Just enough to feel, not enough to hurt. Too much hurt already.

When she moved to strike again, Jayne grabbed her wrist and held tight. She responded by using her other hand. He took two steps back and lost his crutch. She kicked it out of the way, thrust her foot into his chest then punched once, twice, three more times.

Jayne felt the heat rise in him and he shuddered. Memories came back, voices taunting, lying. _"Where's the runt? Your Captain's to blame for all of this. You turn on any a my crew, you turn on me!"_ His breathing increased, became harder as the adrenaline began to pour into him. Images flowed and blurred his vision. Ugly teeth. Brown coats. White slicked hair. Your fault. You did this t'me!

He lunged at the girl and pushed her until they were against the airlock wall, his arm bearing down on her chest. His knee burned, but he couldn't feel it. Only felt the rage. All he saw was red. He shut his eyes and gritted his teeth.

_Mattie's dead_.

River kneed him in the stomach then butterfly punched him in the chest. He flew back, landing hard on the steel floor with his knee screaming in agony. She straddled him and cuffed his head repeatedly. His eyes open, Jayne stared wide-eyed at the girl as she filled his view. Her look scared him, frightened him in a way he'd never felt before. She could kill him so easily, he knew it and wanted it.

"Make it stop!" she screamed. She cuffed him once more. "Beat them. Live!" She moved to strike again, but his hand lashed out and held hers. She immediately let her wrist and fingers fall limp and removed her leg from across him. His eyes filled with confusion and he pushed her hand away.

Kneeling at his head, she held a firm grasp on his shoulder to keep him from crawling away. "All backwards before. Hard to turn around." Her expression changed, saddened as she brushed light fingers through his hair. "You're not alone."

Jayne shuddered. Book?

The clang of a part dropping on the metal grating reverberated through the hold.

"River?" Kaylee stood, bewildered.

The young woman looked up to the mechanic now standing near the pair. She rose and inclined her head. "Last piece." With purpose and grace, River walked away.

Kaylee stared down at the mercenary, watching his chest heave and his eyes search for something to hold on to. Bending down, she hesitated. Would he attack her again? She glanced back over her shoulder, but River was gone. They were alone.

Looking to Jayne's eyes, she saw something different than before. This was no killer, no man-ape feral and wild. This was a scared man terrified of his future.

Kaylee knelt and gently laid her hand on his cheek and was shocked at the heat. She swallowed, but kept her hand in place.

Jayne looked to her, dazed at the contact. He lifted a hand, an arm, begging to touch the form giving him such comfort. She pushed her legs out to the side allowing him to sit up and close the gap between them. Hands reached around her waist in a tightening grip. Her own cradled his head against her chest as she began rocking and quietly soothing him. The man's body shook.

"Don't got to fear no more," she whispered into his ear.

He lifted his head, eyes glassy and red. Her fingers caressed his brow and down his scar. She didn't flinch, didn't hesitate. She only smiled.

End


End file.
